"Associative Looseness"

Yolanda was in her mother's kitchen playfully picking on all the dishes on the
table.

"Stop that! You're gonna spoil the food", her mother shouted at her.

"Tastes good, ma. You're cooking never changed", she replied and got up from her
chair and gave her mother a warm hug.

"How about you? Have you changed?"

"Whatever do you mean by that, ma?"

"Are you still seeing him?"

Yolanda let go of her mother and slumped back into her chair. She continued
fishing out the good parts of the food with her finger, while her mother waits
impatiently for an answer.

"Yolanda, how old are you now? that's no longer normal. You should know that."

Yolanda just continued picking on the food.

"I've explained this to you a million times already. You're a grown woman now,
you're getting married for goodness sake!", her mother was sounding frustrated.

Then she let out a deep sigh and with a gentle voice, she said, "Yolly, I'm sorry.
I know this is all my fault. Had I been there to guide you properly when you were
young...this, this could never have happened...this, this could never have lasted
this long."

Yolanda was just silent.

"What would happen if Damien finds out? Good gracious, that would be embarassing!", her mother continued.

"He would think that you have a loose screw inside your head."

Yolanda replied, "He loves me."

Her mother was not surprised by that, "I know, that's probably the only reason why he's marrying you."

Silence.

"Not him, Castro loves me", she silently told herself.


(to be cont..

"Where were you last night, Yolly?" Damien gently asked Yolanda while they were having their lunch together at the cafeteria.

"You always disappear like that. You worry me sometimes," he added.

"Why?", Yolanda asked back.

Damien took a mouthful and took his time in chewing his food. Yolanda waited for Damien's reply.

Then a weak answer emanated from his lips, "I'm worried that you might disappear and would never come back."

Yolanda started biting into her sandwich. Both were trying to mask the awkwardness and the obvious and diverting it into the food. Damien kept looking up at Yolanda while Yolanda nonchalantly bites and chews her sandwich, mindful of Damien's behavior.

"I don't understand why you're doing this," she asked.

"Doing what?"

"This", and she gestured her hands as if pointing to the invisible connection that they have called a relationship by others; devotion by Damien, and stupidity by Yolanda.

"Coz, I need to. Coz I want to. Coz I love you."

Silence.

Then suddenly Damien found the energy and with high spirits asked Yolanda, "So! Have you chosen the motif yet?"

Yolanda shook her head. Then smiled and answered, "I would like it to be pink.."

"Pink?? Cmon, that's too over-rated. Choose something else."

"Yellow."

"Too bright."

"Orange."

"Difficult to pair with other colors."

"Why don't you just choose it since you're the bride?", Yolanda sneered at a laughing Damien and stood up from her chair and tried to walk out.

Damien grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her arm around his shoulders so it would look like Damien is rubbing his face against her belly.

"Fine, fine. Sorry. We'll have pink then."

"No, I want black coz it's gloomy getting married to a dork like you!", Yolanda was still upset.

"Sure, I like black. Let's go with black."

Yolanda's face turned red with frustration as she stared at Damien who's totally having a good time picking on her. For a moment she stood there, looking at Damien, her arms around his shoulder and his arms around her waist.

Then something inside her melted. She stooped and gave Damien a kiss on the forehead. Then on the cheeks. Then on the lips.

Then she whispered, "I don't know what I did to deserve you."

(to be cont..)

Castro was sitting on the bed carefully watching Yolanda pace back and forth. She was biting her nails and lines on her face start to show everytime she rubs her closed eyes.

Yolanda spotted the chair at the corner and sat there, staring at Castro.

He was the most beautiful man she'd ever seen. He had the body of a swimmer, lean but with arms and legs that can carry her full weight. A beautifully sculpted shoulder and faint lines that travel vertically and horizontally along his midsection. He had the most gorgeous locks that still smell fresh after a long day... And his eyes, his eyes that disappear whenever he smile; his eyes that melt her heart with just a glance; his eyes that show no emotion but happiness, longing and love.

He moved nearer to Yolanda towards the end of the bed, "What are you looking at?" He teased her.

Yolanda smiled and shook her head.

"Are you worried about skipping work today? Cmon, you deserve a day-off. You've been working really really hard. They should pay you triple for the things you do for them!"

Yolanda bitterly smiled.

"Who could ever think that a dump like the Archives could have such a talented and very sexy...employee like you?"

With this comment, Yolanda let out a chuckle. "You're crazy", she said and stood near the bathroom door.Looking at her reflection in the mirror, she whispered to herself, "I'm crazy."

Then she felt an arm around her waist and a familiar scent kissing her nape.

"Let's go back to bed", he murmurred.

Then her mobile phone rang. She let it ring until it became silent. Then a beep signalling a text message.

Yolly, where are you? How could you disappear like this again? Call me. - Damien


(to be cont...)

Five years had passed and Yolanda grew up to become an attractive young girl. She was still considered ordinary by girls who thought they're prettier than her, but boys would give her a second glance every time she walks by. She had gained a new moniker by then, the weird girl. Oftentimes people would tease her about Castro --
"Hey pony girl, where's your friend?"
or
"Hey weirdo! Where's your boyfriend??"

She would just look at them with contempt and then walk away.

Senior prom is nearing and Damien, one of the popular boys came up to Yolanda one afternoon. He had a long-stemmed rose which he hid behind his back while speaking to Yolanda.

"Yolly, may I ask you something?" Damien asked.
Yolanda was surprised but replied, "OK."
Then Damien started mumbling to himself while kicking the dust off his feet. Yolanda became more curious and urged Damien to speak up, "Was there something you want to ask?"
Damien took a deep breath and suddenly went down on one knee and offered the long-stemmed rose to Yolanda, "Yolly, will you ditch your special friend Castro and be my date for prom?"

Silence.

Then laughter emanated from the background.

Yolanda looked around to see Damien's friend laughing their hearts out with the scene. It's clear that they're making fun of her. Yolanda felt her eyes getting hot. She stared at Damien with disgust and started to run away. Damien tried to stop her by grabbing her wrist, "Yolly, I'm sorry." Yolanda quickly got herself free and ran as fast as she could, just like her tears flowing freely on her cheeks.

Trying to escape the humiliation, Yolanda took refuge behind the large Acacia tree. She sat down catching her breath with tears still continuously flowing from her eyes. Then a tall figure suddenly appeared before her. She cannot see who it was and assumed it was Damien, "Please Damien, leave me alone."
But the figure did not go away, and squatted infront of her instead. He took a white handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the tears and sweat from Yolanda's face.
Yolanda looked at him and instead of stopping, more tears rolled down her face. She saw the clearest brown eyes looking lovingly at her. Then he smiled and planted a kiss on Yolanda's wet cheeks.

Yolanda moved away and uttered, "Castro please...stop."

(to be cont.)

There was once a little girl named Yolanda. She was not pretty, she was not perfect, she was not smart...she was just, ordinary. No one knew her name, they just know her as the girl in class. She was the one always referred to by teachers as "You, with the ponytail, stand up." She was just there, unknown...transparent...invisible.

Yolanda had one friend though, his name was Castro. He was always there in the morning waking up Yolanda by throwing pebbles at her window. He would pick her up everyday, walk to school with her and they would spend countless hours together. They would run up and down the hill from school, breathless but laughing. Some kids would look at them and Castro would cover Yolanda and urge her to race home. They would dash again and one time Yolanda fell down. Castro stood tall over her but he never reached down to help her.
"Get up!", he said.
"Help me, please?" asked Yolanda.
But Castro just stood there smiling, "Cmon loser, you fell down, you can get up."
"I can't. My knee is bleeding."
Castro squatted infront of Yolanda and gently said, "If I help you now, who will help you when I'm gone? So, cmon and stand up. You can do it. I'll wait for you at your house."
Then off he ran leaving Yolanda in tears.

When Yolanda got home she did not see Castro waiting for her. She was devastated. She was heartbroken. Castro abandoned her. Just like the rest of the kids in school. He didn't want to help her. She went to the kitchen to wash her knee when her mother saw her. She helped her into the tub and gently caressed her bruised knee. She didn't ask what happened for a mother knew everything even before a child confesses. She wiped Yolanda's tears and told her to get out of her soiled uniform and change into clean clothes.

Yolanda, still teary-eyed asked her mother, "Ma, did you see Castro waiting for me outside?"
Yolanda's mother lovingly cupped her face with both of her hands and hesitated before speaking. She cannot find the right words to tell Yolanda what happened. She took a deep breath and kissed Yolanda's forehead.
"Ma, what is it?"
"How old are you now Yolanda?"
"I'm twelve Mama."

(to be cont...)

There was once a quarter-moon called Luna. She was still a child and eager to go out to the skies and watch the earth below. She was allowed to shine on some nights and was eager to see more. She has seen the fields with trees, children playing in their backyard, and little boats with their shiny lights on finding their way in the big pool of water they call the sea.
One night, she overheard some moons talking about the color of the trees and flowers. Trey, a half-moon said the trees are gray and the flowers are black. Luna smiled and thought that's correct. However, Hector who is also a half-moon disagreed with Trey. Hector said the trees are green and the flowers are red. The other moons as well as Luna were shocked by what Hector said. Then, a barrage of questions, all aimed at Hector grew louder and louder that Luna unable to hear Hector's replies went home frustrated with her own questions.
Luna found her mother Full moon Fiona in the kitchen, cooking their meal. Fiona noticed Luna looking at her and knowingly asked, “Is there something you want to ask me, Luna?”
Luna was jilted and shyly said, “How did you know I want to ask something, Mother?”
“Because you are my child and I know you.”
Luna smiled and inched her way closer to Fiona.
“Mom, what is the color of the trees and flowers?”
Fiona was surprised by the question, “You have a very interesting question. May I know why you are asking me this?”
Luna relayed the events with Trey and Hector while Fiona listened attentively. When Luna was done, Fiona asked her, “Who do you believe is telling the truth?”
Luna, bewildered by her mother's question truthfully answered, “It's Trey of course. Because I have seen the trees and flowers and they are gray and black. Everything on earth is either gray or black. I don't even know what color is green and red.”
Then Luna looked up to Fiona and said, “Do you know the color of green, Mother?”
Fiona was amused by Luna's questions let out a small laugh. “Of course I know the color green.” Then she became serious and said, “Listen Luna, both Trey and Hector are correct. The color of the tree is green and to us it appears gray, and the color of the flower is red but to us it appears black.”
“But how come there are two colors?” Luna asked.
“Because of the kind of light we shine on them, Luna. We only shine at night when it's dark, so most of the colors we see are either gray or black.”
“How do you know it's really green or red then, when you only come out at night, Mom?”
“Because there was a time I saw them during the day, when Mr. Sun was shining and everything was bright.”
Luna was amazed by what Fiona told her, and excitedly asked if she could also come out during the day and see the colors of the trees and flowers. But Fiona told her otherwise.
“Why can't I go out during the day? When Mr. Sun is bright and I could play?” Luna insistently asked.
Fiona gently reminded her, “Dear, our light is not as bright as Mr. Sun's. I'm afraid you'll lose your light if you come out.”
The bewildered Luna further asked, “What do you mean, Mom? We are the only source of light during the night! So we must have stronger light than Mr. Sun!”
With an exasperated groan Luna slumped on her chair and blurted, “Mr. Sun was never there when it's dark. I just want to see the color green and red.”
Fiona, astounded by her daughter's observation, patted Luna's shoulder and lifted her chin. “My dear child, you are wise beyond your years. But that's just the way it is. We come out at night when Mr. Sun is sleeping so we could keep our lights.”
Disappointed, Luna said, “Then I refuse to shine anymore at night.”
Fiona restrained her laughter and lovingly looked at Luna, “When it is dark and people need light, we are there for them. When Mr. Sun is resting we help the people find their way at night. You see Luna, people need us more at night than during the day. When Mr. Sun's light is waning and darkness befalls the earth, we shine. Unlike during the day, when Mr. Sun is awake and is shining brightly, people can not see us shining for them. So it's useless if we shine during the day. And if we lose our light, who will shine on the people at night? No one. Do you understand?”
Luna was nodding and slowly her spirits are coming back. She stood up from her chair and started to walk away when she remembered she has another question.
“Mother, you said once you saw the trees and flowers during the day and you did not lose your light, when will I be able to see them too?”
“Just open your eyes and you will see”, was Fiona's answer.

That night, it was Luna's turn to shine and she tried to make her light brighter so she could see the trees turn green and the flowers turn red. Morning came and still unblinking she was still trying to see what color is green. Mr. Sun, who was now up from his sleep saw Luna and was amused. He asked her, “What are you watching, Luna?”
Luna did not look at Mr. Sun but answered, “I'm waiting to see the trees turn green and the flowers turn red.”
Mr. Sun smiled to himself and slowly spread his light over the earth.
“I will start to shine now it’s better if you go home immediately, or you might lose your light.”
Stubbornly, Luna did not move and stayed where she is until she felt Mr. Sun's light on her. She started to move away from Mr. Sun and with a bowed head she turned around when Mr. Sun called out, “Wait!”
Slowly, the gray trees were turning to green and the black flowers were turning to red.
Luna was very happy and she couldn't believe that she had finally seen the colors green and red.
“So that's the color green!” she yelled ecstatically.
She turned around and saw Mr. Sun smiling at her and slowly spreading his light. She smiled at Mr. Sun and waved goodbye.
“Thank you Mr. Sun. Till we meet again!” and she hurriedly went home with rejuvenated spirits.


---END ---

Where is he?”
“Who is he?”
“He lives right here in the temple with us. He is Tutankhamun.”
“Tutankhamun? But isn’t he your nephew?”
“You said that yourself, Tutankhamun is your nephew… how did he became the King’s son?”

“Tutankhamun’s mother is my sister; she was the Pharaoh’s second wife. Princess Kia died of childbirth, and only I, knew of Tutankhamun’s existence.”
A great secret was revealed along the walls of the Temple, that the young Tutankhamun is the Pharaoh’s only son, an only heir to the throne. The Vizier Ayê evolved a plan of arranging Tutankhamun’s accession to the throne.
“What in Amun’s name are you talking about Uncle? Just yesterday, you told me my father was a simple merchant who only happens to impregnate my mother and then killed by the Hittites!”
“I was wrong. I shouldn’t have said that. This is the truth. You are the King’s only son.”
“How do I know you’re not lying again this time? Huh? I myself can’t believe you, how much more the people of Egypt, who loved the King and his family? This is absurd!”
“ Don’t be such a nuisance boy! I have already planned that. You will come with me to the palace today.”
“I can’t. I have work to do.”
“Leave it. You will not be doing work like that again. Go change and come with me.”
“But, Uncle… I really have something else to do. It is very important…”
“More important than being the King of Egypt? Go now at once!”
Poor young Tutankhamun’s heart was broken. How could he meet with Ankhsenamun at the lagoon today if he would go to the palace? Certainly, Ankhsenamun lives at the palace… but she will be waiting at the lagoon…for him.
At the palace, Ankhsenamun was restless for she was not permitted to go out today. They were instructed to stay at the palace for the arrival of the Vizier with an important announcement. The truth is she doesn’t care about the announcement… she doesn’t care about Egypt at all. She just wants to go out in the lagoon and meet her love, Tutankhamun. She’s planning to escape but the palace was heavily surrounded with soldiers. Protecting them from danger, keeping her away… from the loving arms of the waiting Tutankhamun. Tears welled down from her eyes… she felt weak in the knees. She felt nauseated. She felt the world spinning so fast, and then it became dark.
“Welcome Great Vizier! What do we have here? Glad of you to come boy!”
“Where is the Queen? and the princesses? I request them to be at the court today…””The Queen is indisposed. She is not feeling well. She has been in her bed since last night and has not risen. She instructed me to tell you to go on with your announcement with her permission.”
“And the princesses?”
“They will be coming to see you, great Vizier… except for Princess Ankhsenamun.”
Sorrow swept over the gentle face of Tutankhamun. Surely, it was her excuse not to attend court today, to say that she was sick, and then secretly escape and meet him at the lagoon. Certainly, she is already there… alone and lonely from the death of her father, and in need of support, in need of his love.
“We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of a great King. He had ruled Egypt with great joy and Egypt loved him for it. However, the King was also a man, and as a man committed mistakes. Now that he is dead, we are left with no successor… but the King has entrusted to me the care of his then infant son, whom I reared and taught to be a young educated man. The King feared for his son’s life in making this decision. Who am I to disobey the orders of a great King? So I kept his son hidden in the temple, telling every curious eye that he is my nephew. Today, now that I am left with no other choice, I give to you the next king of Egypt…the young Tutankhamun!!! Now to strengthen the ties of the family of King Amenhotep, I propose that Tutankhamun choose one among his half-sisters to be his bride.”
Tutankhamun stood there in the center of the elevated platform. Looking over everybody’s shoulders, expecting to see his ladylove Ankhsenamun, but she is waiting at the lagoon for him? So how could she be here? Looking directly at the five princesses before him, he could not help but close his eyes and refuse to let the tear drop. He looked over to the Vizier Ayê for help. Must he choose a bride now? Now that the woman he loves is not here?
“Tutankhamun…we are waiting… choose now a bride for the wedding will be tonight…”
Flashed with frustration and desperation, he tried looking more closely at the eldest; he went nearer to her inches away and in a whisper:
“I was told you still have a younger sister, the sixth…where is she?”
“She is in her room… Sire?”
“Why is she not here?
“She suffered pain in the head, Sire?…shall I go and fetch her?”
“You could do that?”
“Yes… sire?, for a moment please?”
“Certainly…”
Now, as the eldest princess arose from her seat to fetch Ankhsenamun, Tutankhamun felt a flash of hope and happiness overcome him. He can choose Ankhsenamun, and she will be his wife…for all eternity. He prepared himself for the surprise, surely Ankhsenamun hates surprises, but this will be the surprise she’ll never forget.

Meritaten arose from her seat with haste. She can not afford to make the future king’s mind change for beckoning their youngest sister. Ankhsenamun, without knowing had save her life – her love. Standing at the court today, being told to marry a stranger so that Egypt will have a King- the face of her beloved flashed across her eyes. She can not marry anyone but her beloved. Now that the king is looking for Ankhsenamun, she and her beloved will live undisturbed, away from this ruckuss, away from them all, away from Egypt. She will just have to say her gratitude to Ankhsenamun later, now she has to go and wake her up.

“Sister, get up! The future king is looking for you. Besides, the Vizier thinks one of us must marry him tonight so as not to lose our hold of the crown. I think that is a great idea because, he is already our half-brother, and the kingdom will still be ruled by our family.”
“If that’s such a great idea then marry him! Why the need to make me go there?”
“You are still one of the Princesses, Ankhsenamun! And besides… I think he knows you…he purposely leaned over to me and asked for my younger sister… meaning you! Isn’t that amazing? You will be the future queen of Egypt!”
“I don’t care! I don’t want to be the Queen of anything! I just want to go out to the lagoon…please? Can you tell the guards to let me go? Please?”
“You’ve been such a stubborn young lady! Stop that nonsense and come with me at once! I am so sorry dear sister… tell you what, you can go out when we are finished in the court… but that won’t happen if you are not going… so come, take my hand… I shall take care of you…don’t worry.”
With heavy feet Ankhsenamun tread the hallway towards the court. Hoping secretly that everything will be over before the sun goes down…before Tutankhamun leaves the lagoon.
“Aha!!! Princess Ankhsenamun! Good of you to come and join us finally!!!”
The words seem like a thunder in Ankhsenamun’s ears. The whole courtroom is filled with people she doesn’t even know. Her sisters are sitting properly in their places, very timid and very behave, which is not extraordinary, after all she’s the only one who has enough spirit and joy in herself to even care to hum a simple song. She sat herself uncomfortably in one of those high back chairs with feathers of different birds stuffed inside it to make it soft. Her head seems to be very heavy to lift; her eyelids are closing on their own, when the Vizier again presented the future King. The man standing in the middle of the platform slowly turned around, in his face a very familiar and gentle smile is formed. He is looking directly straight at her, as if his eyes are saying that everything is fine…without much hesitation, Tutankhamun with a big grin in his face proceeded to take Ankhsenamun in his arms, to which the princess responded with so much love. The longing they had for each other earlier seems to be healed immediately as they stood there, in the center of the courtroom, in the middle of the faceless crowd; arms around each other, for they are now the core of the kingdom; the King and Queen of Egypt….
“Hail King Tutankhamun! Hail Queen Ankhsenamun! Hail the holy couple!! May the goddess Isis give them beautiful creatures and bountiful blessings!”
So the couple wed the evening after. Such grandeur and vast festivities took place. The court dancers and the court jesters never stopped in entertaining the people; everybody laughed, everybody giggled; everybody shared the happiness of the newlyweds. The Vizier, though not expecting something like this to happen, joined in the celebration and promulgated a toast for the endless bliss of the King and Queen of Egypt.
The celebration lasted for three nights and four days. In which on the fourth day, the couple are left alone to discover happiness by themselves. In their chamber, Tutankhamun seriously gazed into Ankhsenamun’s eyes, which moved the latter into a halting pause, and a questioning look of embarrassment.
“Why so profound my love? Do I not look the way you expected me to?”
“Until now, sitting here in this bed, I can not believe, you will share it with me…”
“I could just sleep in my own room tonight if that’s what His Majesty wants.”
“Why would I want such a dreadful thing?
“How will I know? I may own your heart, but not your mind! You see…”
“You never cease to amaze me… the beautiful stranger in the lagoon, the girl who almost broke my heart, is the woman who is now my wife…”
“And the stubborn mysterious stranger who doesn’t want to get off my land, the boy who made me cry, is now the man who I call my husband…”
“Believe it or not, we are now the young parents of Egypt. Egypt’s entire problem is now on our shoulders, all of Egypt’s matters are now on our lap…just thinking about it… I don’t know why I’m in this situation anyway…”
“Fear not my love, the Vizier will be the one to take care of that. He is your attendant after all. On the other hand, I suggest that we do something else tonight, instead of thinking about Egypt, how about that, huh?”
“I am now the son of the morning and the evening sun, and I offer upon your feet the stars of the heavens, you mean more than life to me, you are life’s greatest gift, and you are my beloved.”
“You may only see this simple smile in my face, but deep within me, my heart is rejoicing for I have found my true love, my purpose in living, and my beloved…”
Thus, the young rulers of the vast kingdom of Egypt spent the night in ecstatic disposition.

To be continued...

Kaya nga nun nagkolehiyo ako, isang taon mula nang makilala ko siya. Tinanong ko agad ang aking mga kapatid kung nasaan ang Pasig. Sabi nila malayo daw yun, nakatira kasi kami nuon sa Sampaloc, malapit sa U-belt.Tinanong nila ako bakit ako nagtatanong, may pupuntahan daw ba ako sa Pasig? Wala naman daw kaming kakilala sa Pasig. Tumahimik na lang ako. Ayokong sabihin sa kanila na pupuntahan ko si Ate Suzette, hindi naman nila kasi siya kilalza. Hindi naman kasi sila umuwi nung namatay ang Ninang ko, kaya hindi nila ako maiintindihan.

Nung nasa kolehiyo na ako, sabik akong nakipagkilala sa mga bago kong kaklase. Tinanong ko sila kung saan sila nakatira. Karamihan mga taga-probinsiya rin silang katulad ko kaya nagbo-board lang sila sa malapit, umuuwi sila sa kani-kanilang probinsiya tuwing weekends. Nadismaya ako ng kaunti, hindi rin kasi nila alam kung nasaan ang Pasig. Nasa taft kasi ang kolehiyo namin, at wala akong makitang mga dyipni o kaya ay fx o bus na may karatulang Pasig. Kaya marahil nga, malayo nga yun. May nagsabi pa nga nuon na lugar ng mga iskwater yun. Nagulat ako, nagalit pa nga. Sabi ko hindi yun lugar ng mga iskwater, kasi may kaibigan akong nakatira duon. Hindi ko nga lang alam ang eksaktong address, pero nasa Pasig lang siya. Makalipas ang ilang buwan hindi ko pa rin alam kung nasaan ang Pasig, at kung paano pumunta dun. Takot din naman kasi akong magtanong-tanong kasi ayokong maloko, at ayokong mawala. Mahina ang loob ko pag nawawala ako. Lalo na kapag hindi kasya ang pera ko pang-taxi.

Dumating na ko sa puntong nakalimutan ko na ang layunin ko sa pagpunta sa Maynila, nakalimutan ko na ang Pasig. Pero tila isang guhit ng tadhana na itinakda talaga akong magpunta sa Pasig. May ipinapagawang research paper nuon ang aming guro, tungkol sa kasaysayan ng Maynila, ang kasaysayan ng ilog ng Pasig. Natural na nagpunta kami ng library upang maghanap ng mga detalye tungkol sa Pasig. Nagtanong tanong din kami kung san pa kami makakakuha ng mas maraming impormasyon. Nagpunta kaming National Library at kung saan saan pang mga open libraries.At sa wakas, nagpunta kami ng Pasig, upang kumuha ng larawan, mag-dokumento, mangalap ng impormasyon tungkol sa kaalaman ng mga tao hinggil sa kasaysayan ng bayan nila.

Iba ang nadatnan ko sa inaasahan ko. Ang iniisip kong Pasig ay parang sa bayan lang namin, ganun siya kaliit at hindi mahirap maghanap ng tao. Ang pinaka-worst na naisip kong sitwasyon ay parang sa Sampaloc, na tabi-tabi ang mga bahay at apartment. Pero inisip ko pa rin na mahahanap ko siya kasi kilala nga daw siya. Sobra akong tanga. Utak probinsiyana nga talaga ako. Dahil ang Pasig na napuntahan ko, iba sa mga napanaginipan ko.

Ikinuwento ko sa aking ka-grupo ang halaga ng Pasig sa akin. Sabi niya, bahagi lang ng pasig itong napuntahan namin. Nasa tabi kasi kami ng ilog Pasig nagtatanong. Kung saan kabit kabit ang mga bahay na gawa sa pinulot na GI, tagpi-tagping plywood, at pabigat na gulong ng sasakyan upang hindi maihangin. Nasa “iskwaters” area kami. Malaki naman daw ang Pasig, huwag daw akong mawalan ng pag-asa, mahahanap ko rin daw siya. Nabuhayan ako ng loob, at sa pangalawang balik namin sa lugar, napagtanto ko, maguumpisa na akong magtanong-tanong. Siguro naman kahit gaano kalaki ang Pasig mahahanap ko pa rin si Ate Suzette kasi nga kilala siya, model siya ng Ginebra Calendar, sikat siya. Natanggap ko na rin na okay lang kahit dun siya nakatira. Hindi na ako nandiri sa mga basurang nagkalat at sa mabahong amoy na galing sa kanilang mga palikuran na ang diretso ay ang ilog Pasig.

Pero ilang tao na ang natanong ko, wala silang kilalang Suzette. Ito pa ang masaklap, hindi ko alam kung anong apelyido niya. Hindi ko na natanong, hindi ko na tinanong. Sinubukan kong ipagtanong ang pangalan ni Pogi, ang totoong pangalan ni Pogi. Wala ding nakakakilala sa kanila. Marahil, hindi sila nakatira duon. Nasa mas magandang lugar sila nakatira, sa isang lugar na nababagay sa kanya.

Ilang taon na ang nakalipas at sa tuwing napapadaan o pumupunta ako ng Pasig, ipinagtatanong ko kung may kilala silang dating modelo ng Ginebra na nakatira sa lugar nila. Puro wala ang nakukuha kong sagot. Tuwing umuuwi din ako sa probinsiya namin, makailang beses na nangangati akong magtanong kay Ate Merle kung san ba talaga nakatira sina Ate Suzette. Pero ayokong gawin, iba ang iisipin nun. Iisipin nilang sinusundan ko si Pogi. Ayokong isipin nila yun. Nagtatayuan ang balahibo ko.

Isang araw, nakabakasyon ako sa probinsiya namin dahil Holy Week. Nang mapansin kong parang may handaan sa kabila. May mga bisita si Ate Merle. Tumambay ako sa balkonahe namin, pasilip-silip sa kabilang bahay, kunyari humihigop ng kape at nagi-isip. Nakita ko si Pogi na lumabas ng bahay nila, naka-bisikleta siya, may pupuntahan siguro. Natuwa ako, kinuha ko ang bike ng aking kuya at kunyari ay nagba-bike ako sa harapan ng bahay namin, sa kalye sa tapat ng bahay namin. Bumalik si Pogi, may dala-dalang supot na parang may laman na lata. Nakita niya ako at huminto siya sa tapat ko. Nginitian ko siya, kinumusta, tinapik ko pa nga siya sa balikat.
“Uy Neneng!”
“Nakabakasyon ka, sino kasama mo?”
“Sina Tita, matagal na kasi kaming hindi umuwi. Dalaw namin si Tita Merle.”
“Sinong Tita kasamo?”
“Sina Tita Bok.”
“Ahh.. sino pa?”
“Ako, si Benjo at pamilya ni Tita Bok.”
“Sino si Benjo?”
“Yung anak ni Tita Suzette.”
“Alin? Anjan ba si Ate Suzette?”
“Wala.”
“Bakit wala? Susunod ba siya?”
“Hindi ko alam. Kasi ano…”
“Ano?”
“Nagkaproblema kasi, basta. Dalaw ka na lang sa bahay tanungin mo si Tita Bok.”
“Ngii? Ayoko nga. Tsismosa?”
“HAHAH! Hindi basta, daan ka, halika kaya. Sama ka na sa kin.”
“Now na?”
“Hmm mmm. Kailangan ko na uwi ito eh.”
“Ano ba yan?”
“Gatas ng bata. Nung anak ni Tita Bok.”
“Ahh.”
“Ano halika na.”
“Saka na lang, basta daan na lang ako bigla.”
“Okay.”
“Sige!”

Umalis na si Pogi, pumasok na ng bakuran ng bahay nila, habang ako’y naka-istambay sa tapat ng bahay namin, pasilip-silip. Nagi-isip. Tama nga ang tsismis nuon. Anak nga ni Ate Suzette yung bata, marahil, totoo rin yung mga iba pang tsismis nuon. Nalungkot ako bigla. Parang naglalaho ang kaputian niya sa paningin ko.

Sa sumunod na araw ay pinagdala ako ng Mama ng kakanin sa kabilang bahay. Isa itong tradisyon tuwing Semana Santa, namimigay ng kakanin ang Mama. Tinanggap naman nina Ate Bok ang kakanin, nagpasalamat sila at nagkwentuhan kami saglit. Naka-apat nang anak si Ate Bok, nakatatlo naman na si Ate Merle. Magfo-fourth year college naman na ako, ilang buwan na lang ga-graduate na ako. Natuwa sila para sa akin, saka na naman nila tinawag si Pogi. Pero naka-ilang sigaw na si Ate Bok hindi pa nagpapakita si Pogi. Saka nila sinabi na hindi na nga nagpatuloy ng paga-aral si Pogi, nagloko kasi kaya hindi rin niya natapos ang hayskul. Ganyan lang siya, bum. Pasabit-sabit sa mga lakad. Mabuti na lang daw at masipag utusan kung hindi matagal na nila itong pinalayas. Saka tumawa si Ate Bok, jok lang daw. Hindi naman daw niya gagawin yun. Si Enchong naman daw, yung kuya ni Pogi, Engineer na. “Wow”, sabi ko. Si Enchong na lang sana ang naging childhood sweetheart ko. Nasa Cavite daw nagtratrabaho si Enchong, dun siya nadestino. Tinanong ko kung bakit hindi siya nagbakasyon. Nasa trabaho daw kasi, hindi makaalis.

Saka nagpakita sina Pogi at Benjo, galing sila sa panunungkit ng mangga sa likuran. Panahon na naman kasi ng mangga. Nagdala sila ng asin, suka at bagoong sa harapan namin, saka binalatan ni Pogi ang ilang mga mangga para sa amin. Nakangiti ako.

“Ang bait mo naman.” Inasar ko si Pogi.
“Asus! Walang ibang ginawa yan kundi maghanap ng lamon!” sabi naman ni Ate Merle.
“Hindi ah! Si Benjo kasi gusto niya mangga. Nagpakuha, kaya ikinuha ko na rin kayo.” Pagtatanggol naman niya sa kanyang sarili.

Napatingin ako kay Benjo, ang anak ni Ate Suzette. Malaki na siya, siguro magsa-siyam na taong gulang na siya. Gwapo ang bata, makinis ang kutis nito at matangos ang ilong. Mahahaba din ang kanyang mga pilik-mata at mamula-mula ang kanyang pisngi – parang si Ate Suzette. Nginitian ko siya, nakikita ko sa kanya si Ate Suzette, magkahawig talaga sila. Saka ako nag-usisa tungkol kay Ate Suzette.

“Nasaan nga pala si Ate Suzette?”
“Nasa Maynila”, sagot ni Ate Bok.
“Bakit hindi siya nagbakasyon?”
“Marami kasi siyang ginagawa eh, hindi siya makapagbakasyon.” Si Ate Bok ulit.

Tumango-tango lang ako, pahapyaw na tinignan ko si Pogi. Matulis ang nguso habang nagbabalat ng mangga. Alam kong may alam siya na itinatago lang nila. May nangyari kay Ate Suzette na ayaw nila ipaalam sa iba.

Kinagabihan, dumaan sa kalye namin ang prusisyon. Lumabas kami at nagsindi ng kandila, sumama sa prusisyon ang Mama, samantalang naiwan na lang akong nanunuod ng mga tao sa kalye. Lumabas din sina Ate Bok at nanuod. Pagkatapos ay nagpasukan na silang lahat, naiwan si Pogi na nakatambay pa rin sa labas ng bahay nila. Tinawag ko siya. Kumuha kami ng mga monobloc chairs sa loob ng bahay namin at nilagay namin sa garden at duon kami naupo. Alam niyang may itatanong ako sa kanya. Nakikiramdam siya.

Inumpisahan ko nang mahinahon ang usapan, nagkunwari akong interesado ako kung anong nangyari sa buhay niya. Humingi na rin ako ng dispensa sa ala-Robin Padilla niyang braso.

“Wala yun. Ako naman talaga ang may kasalanan.”
“Pero natulak nga yata kita.”
“Kahit na. Mas matanda ako sa iyo.”
“Ilang taon ka na nga ba?”
“22 na ko.”
“Ahh. 2 years lang pala tanda mo sa akin.”
“May boyfriend ka na ba?”
Umiling lang ako. “Eh, ikaw? Marami ka na siguro naging girlfriends no?”
Tumawa siya. Kinapa ang mga bulsa ng shorts niya, may hinahanap. Naglabas siya ng lighter, saka siya tumingin sa akin. Umiling ako, naintindihan naman niya. Ayoko ko kasi ng usok ng sigarilyo. Maliban na lang kung ako yung naninigarilyo dahil hindi ko naamoy ang usok, ibinubuga ko sa ibang tao. Dahil hindi ko siya pinayagang manigarilyo, itinago niya ulit ang lighter, sumandal sa monoblock at saka nagde-kwatrong upo. Lawlaw ang kanyang shorts na tulad ng sa mga basketbol players, kaya pakiramdam ko habang ginagalaw-galaw niya ang kanyang nakade-kwatrong mga paa, mahuhulog anumang oras ang itlog niya.

Natawa ako at umiling. Ayoko yatang makita yun. Baka ipakain ko pa kay Rizal. Napatawa rin siya nang tumawa ako. Natawa ako lalo dahil hindi niya alam na ang pinagtatawanan namin ay ang itlog niya. Ilang segundo din kaming tawa ng tawa. Marahil naalala niya noong bata pa kami, walang ginagawa sa buhay, naka-istambay lang. Pero iba na ngayon. Iba na ko sa kanya. Iba na ang buhay naming dalawa. Saka ko naalala ang mga tanong ko.

“Ano ba talaga ang nangyari kay Ate Suzette? Bakit parang may itinatago si Ate Bok kanina?”
“Bakit ba gusto mo malaman?”
“Kasi naku-curious ako. Kaibigan ko rin naman si Ate Suzette.”
“Nasa Maynila nga siya.”
“Anong ginagawa niya duon?”
Bumuntong-hininga si Pogi ng malalim. Nag-iisip kung sasabihin ba niya o hindi ang totoo sa akin. Alam ko konti na lang mapapaamin ko na siya. Kaya ginatungan ko pa ang aking pagtatanong.
“San ba talaga kayo nakatira? Sa Pasig ba?”
“Dati sa Pasig kami.”
“Dati?”, gulat kong tanong.
“Lumipat na kami sa Caloocan.”
“kailan pa?”
“Siguro mga limang taon na rin kami dun.”
“Limang taon? Eh yun lang yata yung uwi niyo nung namatay si Ninang ah!”
“Ah, oo. Pagkagaling namin dito. Ilang buwan lang lumipat na kami.”
“bakit sabi ni Ate Suzette noon puntahan… dalawin pala sa Pasig?”
Nagulat si Pogi sa sinabi ko. Umupo siya ng tuwid at saka tinitigan niya ako ng malalim.
“Sinabi yan sa iyo ni Tita Suzette?”
“Oo, nag-usap kami nuon sa burol ni Ninang.”
“Ano pang sabi niya sa iyo?”
“Bakit ba gusto mong malaman? Ako ang nagtatanong sa iyo, ah.”
Napatingin siya sa lupa, pagkatapos ay sumandal muli at nadekwatrong upo, saka siya umiling-iling.
“Wala lang.”
“Nasaan ba talaga si Ate Suzette? Para namang suspense ka, oh!”, ang naiinis ko nang himutok.
Sumimangot siya. Sa liwanag ng buwan nakita kong lumungkot ang kanyang mga mata. Kumikislap kislap ito, parang may namumuong mga luha na pilit niyang pinipigilan. Tumingala siya upang hindi dumaloy ang mga ito ng tuluyan. Saka siya nagpakawala ng napakalalim na buntong-hininga. Pagkatapos ay hinarap niya ako, ako na nananabik na naghihintay ng kasagutan.

“Anong sabi ni Tita sa iyo noong nag-usap kayo?”, ang mahinahon niyang tanong.
Napatulala ako, seryoso siya. Gusto niyang malaman. Kaya sinabi ko ang totoo. Sinabi ko kung paano inamin ni Ate Suzette ang pagda-drugs niya, ang pagtulog niya sa Luneta, ang pagkakaroon niya ng boyfriend, at ang pagkahanap niya sa Diyos. Nakatingin lang si Pogi sa akin. Nag-iisip.

“Siguro, dalawa o tatlong buwan pagkagaling namin dito. Ipinasok namin si Tita sa drug rehab.”
Nagulat ako. “Drug rehab?”
Tumango lang si Pogi.
Pero hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala, “Bakit niyo ipinasok? Okay naman na siya nung nagkausap kami ah.”
“Akala nga din namin okay na siya. Pero bumalik siya sa dati. Nagwawala siya kapag hindi siya nakakakuha. Pagkatapos, pinapalo niya si Benjo. Alam mo yang si Benjo, hindi na ko magtataka kung ayaw na niya makilala nanay niya. Grabe inabot nang batang yan sa nanay niya!”
“Dahil lang dun ipinasok niyo na?”
Tumingin siya sa akin. Gulat ang reaksyon niya, “Dahil lang duon?”
Naging defensive ako, nakataas ang aking mga kilay na naghihintay ng kanyang susunod na reaksyon.
“Nawawala siya nuon ng siguro isang linggo. Hanap kami ng hanap sa kanya. Umiiyak na nuon sina Ate Bok, nagagalit na sila sa amin ni Kuya dahil kami ang kasama niya sa bahay. Dapat kami ni Kuya ang nagbabantay sa kanya. Natatakot kaming hindi na namin siya makita ng buhay. Baka nilaslas na lang siya sa kalye pagkatapos reypin..”
“Ano ka ba naman! Bakit mo naman iisipin yan? Sinabi mo pa! tok tok mo sa kahoy!”
“Ha?”
“Ikatok mo para hindi magkatotoo!”
“Ikatok ang alin?”
Hindi niya ako naiintindihan. Hindi ko rin naiintindihan ang mga pinagsasabi ko. Hindi ko maipaliwanag ng maayos dahil sa takot at gulat ko para kay Ate Suzette. Kaya kinuha ko ang kanyang kamay, pinorma sa isang kamao at ikinatok ko sa katabi naming puno. Nagpaanod siya sa ginawa ko, nakatingin pa rin sa akin nang pagkatapos kumatok ay bumalik na ko sa silya. Saka siya tumawa.

“Ano yun?”
“Basta!” Para akong batang nahuli na may ginagawang kababalaghan. Nahiya ako sa ginawa ko pero itinago ko ito sa aking pagkamataray, na kunyari wala akong pakialam sa kung ano ang iniisip niya.

Umupo na siya sa silya, nakatingin pa rin sa akin.
“Matagal nang nangyari yun. Sa awa ng Diyos wala namang masamang nangyari sa kanya.” Paliwanag ni Pogi.

“San niyo siya nahanap?”
“Hindi namin siya nahanap. Kusa siyang inuwi nung dati niyang kinakasama. Addict din kasi yung lalakeng yun, kaya naimpluwensiyahan siyang mag-drugs uli.”
“Buti isinoli pa siya.”
“Wala siyang magawa, hindi rin niya makontrol ang tita kapag nagwala.”
“Tapos?”
“Tapos nagwala ulit siya sa bahay, kaya nagpatawag na yung asawa ni Tita Bok, tapos ipinasok na sa rehab si Tita.”
“Pagkatapos? Andun pa rin siya hanggang ngayon?”
Umiling si Pogi.
Kinabahan ako. Nanahimik ako, naghihintay sa mga susunod na bibigkasin ni Pogi.
Ilang minuto ang lumipas. Inip na ko.
“Ano ba! Grabe ka naman sa suspense, oh! Ano na nangyari? Nasan na siya ngayon?”
Nagulat siya sa bigla kong pagsigaw, nagalit na rin siya pero hindi niya ako pinatulan. Tumalikod siya at nanigarilyo. Napatda ako sa reaksyon niya. Ang kapal ng mukha niya, dito pa siya sa garden ng Mama maninigarilyo. Sasabihin ko sana na magagalit ang Mama kasi maaamoy sa bahay ang baho ng usok nito pero nang hinarap ko siya, nakita kong seryosong –seryoso siya. Na kapag inasar ko pa, baka sasakalin na lang niya ako anumang oras. Kaya tumahimik ako. Hinayaan ko siyang ubusin niya ang isang stick ng Winston Lights.

Umupo siya sa monoblock chair, saka niya ipinaliwanag sa akin na huwag huwag ko raw babanggitin kahit kanino ang napagusapan namin. Baka raw magkalat na naman ng tsismis dito sa amin tungkol kay Ate Suzette. Narinig daw kasi ni Ate Suzette lahat ng balita noon kaya naapektuhan siya. Kaya pala malungkot siya nuon nung makausap ko, narinig pala niya lahat. Hanggang sa matapos ang libing at bumalik silang Maynila, hindi na bumalik ang sigla niya. Nasa loob lang siya ng bahay palagi. Ipinaliwanag din ni Pogi na huwag ko na raw siyang hahanapin at huwag na raw akong magtatanong. Basta nasa mabuting kalagayan daw ang Tita Suzette niya at nagpapagaling.

“Nagpapagaling? Anong sakit niya?”
Hindi na ako sinagot ni Pogi, sinindihan niya ulit ang isa pang stick ng Winston Lights. Saka siya tumayo at umalis. Tinawag ko siya ulit. Lumingon lang siya pero hindi na siya lumapit.
“Totoo bang naging calendar girl siya ng Ginebra dati?”
Ngumiti si Pogi, tumango siya. Pagkatapos ay tumalikod siya at tuluyan nang umalis.

Hindi ako nakatulog nang gabing iyon. Sabi niya kalimutan ko na lahat. Pero ang hirap yatang gawin yun.

At ngayon nga, limang taon mula nang magkausap kami ni Pogi, at sampung taon mula nang huli kong makita si Ate Suzette. Nakalimutan ko na ang kabanatang iyon, na pakiramdam ko, kapag namatay ako, maituturing na lang siyang isang “unfinished business”. Nagkaroon na rin ako ng mga karanasang maibibida ko kung may lumapit man sa akin at humingi ng advise o kung anu pa man. Nakadalawang kurso na rin ako, uso kasi ang pagkuha ng Nursing. At dahil sa nasa ibang bansa na ang ate ko, praktikal lang para sa akin ang mag-Nursing din upang mapaunlad ang buhay ko sa pamamagitan ng pagtratrabaho sa ibang bansa bilang nars. Naipasa ko na din ang pambansang pagsusulit para sa lisensiya ng mga narses, at hindi rin naman nakakahiya ang markang nakuha ko. Ngayon, papasok ako sa trabaho. Isang taon lang daw akong kukuha ng experience sabi ng ate ko, pwede na akong umalis ng bansa.

Ilang buwan na rin akong nagtratrabaho sa Ospital na ito, konting panahon na lang maayos na ang mga papeles ko. Maaari na akong lumipad patungo sa ibang bansa upang duon mamuhay, duon umpisahan ang buhay ko, duon kumita ng maraming pera.

Sa aking araw-araw na pag-aalaga sa mga pasyente dito, at paniniguro na hindi nila sasaktan ang kanilang mga sarili, parang may kakaiba sa araw na ito. Umikot ako sa ward namin na parang naghahanap pero wala akong maisip kung anong kakaiba. Hanggang sa matapos ang shift ko at palabas na ako ng building nang may makita akong pamilyar na mukha sa may garden ng ospital. Hindi ko alam kung bakit biglang bumigat ang pintig ng puso, pinagpawisan ako ng malapot habang pakiramdam ko ay binuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig.

Lumingon siya. Iba na ang itsura niya ngayon. Ang dating mamula-mula at kaakit-akit niyang mukha ay napalitan ng isang maputlang anino. Ang matayog niyang pagkatao ay napalitan ng isang nagtatagong kaluluwa, na nagnanais kumawala sa katawang tao na bumibilanggo sa kanya. Lumapit ako, pero nag-iwan ako ng dalawang hakbang sa pagitan namin. Ayoko siyang matakot, ayoko siyang matakot sa akin. Maikli na ngayon ang kanyang dati’y mahaba na buhok, gupit lalake na ito. Maitim na ulap ang nakatakip sa dati'y asul na kalangitan sa kanyang mga mata, mugto ang mga ito, galing siya sa pag-iyak; at ang kanyang dati’y malusog na pangangatawan… parang ninakawan siya ng ilang piraso ng kanyang tadyang at lamang loob dahil sobra ang ipinayat niya. Halos hindi ko siya mapagkamalang siya, maliban na lang sa kanyang ngiti.

Nakita niya akong nakatayo sa harapan niya. Nginitian niya ako. Bumilis ng bumilis ang pintig ng puso ko, nauubusan ako ng hangin, nag-iinit ang mga kamay ko, napapaso ang mga mata ko. Diniligan ito ng mga luhang kusang dumaloy upang mapatid ang pagkatigalgal ng aking kamalayan. Si Ate Suzette. Sa tagal ng paghahanap ko sa kanya, at kung kailan handa na akong umalis at iwanan ang lahat, saka ko siya makikita… at dito pa. Bakit dito pa.

Pinagmasdan ko siya. Anduon pa rin ang mga pekas niya leeg, pero hindi na kasing puti nang nasa alaala ko ang kanyang kutis, ang kanyang mukha. Para siyang isang batang nakangiti sa kawalan, may kalarong anghel, may nakikitang hindi ko nakikita.

Kinausap ko siya. Sabi ko kamusta na siya. Tinignan niya ako, saka niya ako tinawag. Pinaupo niya ako sa kanyang tabi. Tinitigan niya ako gaya ng pagtitig niya sa akin nung bata pa ako. Sa sandaling iyon nakita ko ang Ate Suzette na kausap ko noon sa burol ng Ninang ko. Hinaplos niya ang aking buhok. Saka siya nagsalita.

“Maikli na ang buhok mo ngayon. Mas mahaba dati di ba?”
Nagulat ako, naaalala niya ako. Natuwa ako at isang nagpapasalamat na ngiti ang naukit sa aking mukha.
“Ate Suzette. Maikli na rin ang buhok mo.”
Ngumiti siya. Hinawakan niya ang kanyang buhok, saka parang nahihiya siya na nadatnan ko siyang ganoon ang itsura. Sinuklay niya ng kanyang mga kamay ang kanyang buhok, pinunasan niya sa pamamagitan ng manggas ng kanyang daster ang dumi niya sa mukha. Tumalikod siya sa akin at dumahak sa lupa, pagkatapos ay inamoy niya ang kanyang hininga. Natawa ako. Saka ko hinagod ang likuran niya. Tinanong ko kung anong ginagawa niya. Humarap siya sa akin na tinatakpan niya ang kanyang bibig, hindi pa raw siya nagtu-toothbrush. Ngumiti ako, sabi ko hindi niya kailangang mag-toothbrush para sa akin. Hindi mababawasan ang paghanga ko sa kanya.

Alam kong napangiti ko siya sa sinabi ko, dahil sa likod ng kanyang kamay ay kumikisklap ang kanyang mga mata sa tuwa. Hanggang sa tuluyan nang tumulo ang kanyang mga luha. Humihikbi lang siya, pero nang lumaon ay humagulgol na siya. Pinatahan ko siya, hinagod ang kanyang likuran. Ayoko siyang umiyak. Naiiyak na naman kasi ako. Yumakap siya sa akin. Baligtad na ang posisyon namin ngayon. Yumakap siyang parang isang batang nagsusumbong sa kanyang ina. Humahagulgol siyang nakayakap sa baywang ko. Hinagod ko ang kanyang buhok, na parang isang ina na uma-alo sa nagtatampong anak.

Ito ang hantungan ng sampung taong pagitan namin. At ngayon nakita ko na siya ulit. Taliwas sa inaasahan ko ang mga pangyayari. Ngayon ko napagtanto na isang balatkayo lamang pala ang nakilala ko at ang hinanap ko, dahil ngayon at nakita ko na ang katauhan sa likuran ng maskara. Hindi ko na ito gugustuhing makita pa. Humahanga pa rin ako sa tapang niya, humahanga pa rin ako sa katatagan niya. Humahanga pa rin ako sa balatkayo niyang kagandahan… pero wala na ang uri ng paghanga ko noong una ko siyang makilala. Dahil hinayaan niyang sirain ng isang kemikal ang buhay niya, dahil kahit matapang siya, ang katotohanan ay mahina siya, sumusuko kaagad sa tawag ng laman – naaawa ako. Naaawa ako sa kanya.

Ako naman ang magbibigay ng mga pangaral sa kanya ngayon. Ako naman ang magsasabi na pahabain niya ang kanyang buhok; ako naman ang magsasabi na alagaan niya ang kanyang mga ngipin dahil crowning glory ito ng mga babae; ako naman ang magtatanong kung nais pa niyang makita muli ang kanyang anak; ako naman ang magtatanong kung nais pa niyang gumaling at tuparin ang kanyang mga pangarap.

Sa natitira ko pang panahon bago ako umalis, araw araw ko siyang dinadalaw. Minsan nagkakausap kami ng maayos, minsan naman paikot ikot lang kami. May mga pagkakataong nagiging bayolente siya, at dahil mahina ako hindi ko siya kayang pigilan, pinipigilan ko na lang ang aking mga luha tuwing ikinukulong siya sa isolation room. Tinatawag niya ang aking pangalan, humihingi ng tulong. Pero natuto akong maging matigas, dahil hindi ko siya matutulungan kung magiging mahina rin ako.

Magpapatuloy ako sa buhay dala ang karanasan kong ito. Hindi ko alam kung ano talaga ang natutunan ko, kung ano ang aral sa kwento ko. Ang mahalaga ay nahanap ko siya, at tinutulungan ko siya ngayon, at kung darating ang panahon na hindi na niya kakailanganin ng tulong ko, matutuwa ako sa ala-alang may isang taong nagkaroon ng maliit na parte sa buhay ko, at ako sa buhay niya (kahit hindi na niya alam, siguro).

END @aymi

Nagising ako isang umaga na walang tao sa bahay namin. Nasa ikatlong taon ako ng hayskul noon, at nasanay ako na ang sigaw ng Mama ang alarm clock para maligo na at magbihis papuntang skul. Isang oras pa kasi ang byahe sa jip na kung minamalas ay punuan pa, at sa upuang kahoy na nilalagay pahalang sa dulong bahagi ng jipney at nagsisilbing upuan ng mga babaeng excess ako makakaupo, samantalang nakasabit na ang mga lalake sa labas at yung iba ay kumportable nang nakaupo sa bubungan ng jip.

Lumabas ako ng kwarto at nagulat talaga ako dahil tahimik na tahimik. Pero nakita ko pa sa sala ang school bag ng Mama ko. Ito yaong lagayan niya ng mga libro at lesson plan. Ito yaong bag na binubuhat ng mga pupils niya pauwi galing skul dahil gusto nilang magsipsip sa grade four teacher nila. Hindi umaalis ang Mama nang hindi dala ang bag. Lumabas ako ng bahay at nakita ko sa garden si Stay Out. Si Stay Out ang kasama namin mula alas-sais ng umaga hanggang alas-sais ng hapon, hindi siya natutulog sa bahay kaya ang tawag sa kanya stay out.

“Manang, nasan si Mama? Umalis na?”
“isinugod si Aling Ester sa hospital, tinawag ni Merle kanina.”
“Bakit anong nangyari?”
“Inatake ng asthma. Ako pa nga tumawag ng ambulansiya eh.”

Chain smoker kasi si Aling Ester, ang balita ko isang pakete ng Phillip Morris sa isang araw ang nauubos niya, o kaya ay higit pa. Ninong at ninang ko silang mag-asawa, pero sa naaalala ko, wala akong regalong natatanggap tuwing pasko o kahit birthday mula sa kanila. Hindi naman sa naghahanap ako ng regalo, natural lang naman sa bata ang umasang bibigyan ng regalo ng kanyang mga ninong at ninang.

Ang Ninong, ang asawa ni ninang ester ay nauna na sa hukay dalawang taon na ang nakakalipas. Inatake sa puso. Ang sabi ng iba karma daw. Treasurer kasi siya sa munisipyo namin. Kaya ang tsismis, ibinubulsa niya ang kaban ng yaman, at siya nitong ginagamit sa pambababae niya. May tisismis pa nga na naging kabit niya ang kapitbahay naming byuda. Pero nahihiwagaan pa rin ako kasi pakiramdam ko totoo yun, dahil tuwing magsasalubong ng landas ang mga anak ng byuda naming kapitbahay at mga anak naman ng ninong ko (napapagitnaan kasi ang bahay namin), nagsisigawan at nagbabatuhan sila. Kapana-panabik kapag may mga tagpong ganoon sa tapat namin dahil natutuwa ako, mahilig ako sa aksyon noon. Gustong gusto ko ng mga kung fu, yung mga kickboxers (american kickboxers, van damme – idol ko si van "damned" nuon. Nuon yun.) Saka ko tinatanong ang Mama bakit sila nag-aaway eh ang paniwala ko dapat nagmamahalan ang mga magkakapitbahay. Eh masyado nga daw "luv" ng ninong ang kapitbahay naming byuda.

May asthma nga ang ninang, kahit anong oras ay maririnig mo siyang ubo ng ubo, pero madalas ko rin siyang nakikitang naninigarilyo. Kung minsan nga, kapag wala siyang mautusang bata ay sumisigaw siya bakod na alambre tinatawag ako, nagpapabili ng Phillip Morris. Bibigyan niya ako ng kinse, dose pa yata ang isang pakete nuon, akin ang barya, bale meron akong tatlong piso tuwing inuutusan niya ako. Kaya okay lang naman sa kin kahit ober da bakod siya mag-utos.

Pumasok akong skul nang araw na iyon. Panandalian kong nakalimutan na isinugod sa ospital ang ninang. Pag-uwi ko ng alas-singko ng hapon, may lona na sa tapat ng bahay nila, nakaburol na ang ninang. Natuluyan na. Naabutan ko pa si Stay Out na nagluluto ng hapunan namin. Pagkatapos ng ilang minuto ay dumating na rin ang mga magulang ko galing skul. Nag-half day na lang ang mama, ang daddy naman ay pumasok pa rin sa skul, Principal kasi kaya hindi pwede umabsent. Nagbihis ako ng pambahay, humilata naman sa “butaka” tulad ng kinagawian ang mga magulang ko. Saka ko sila inusisa pagbaba ko.

“Ma, anong nangyari sa kabila?”
“Namatay na.”
“Alam ko. Anong oras?”
“Kaninang umaga. Sumisigaw si Merle humihingi ng tulong hindi na raw humihinga si Ester.”

Sa pagkakataong yun, sumabat na ang Daddy.

“Bakit daw?”
“Asthma”, ang sagot ng Mama. “Natuluyan na. Sabi ni Merle, kaninang madaling araw pa raw siya ubo ng ubo.”
“Bakit hindi pa niya itinakbo agad?” ang sabat ko naman.
“Ewan. Tanungin mo siya mamaya pag punta natin sa kabila”, sagot ng Mama.

Hindi mahilig sumagot ng tanong ang Mama, lalo na pag galing sa akin na ang tanging layunin ko lang naman ay maki-usyoso. Bata pa ang tingin nila sa akin at wala pa akong muwang kung anong nangyayari sa paligid ko. Pero kapag ibang tao ang nagtatanong, sige naman sa pagkukuwento ang Mama.

Bago pumunta ang mga co-teachers ng Mama sa burol ay dumaan muna sila sa bahay. Natural nagtanong sila kung anong nangyari, sige naman sa kwento ang Mama. Nakinig na lang ako dahil gusto ko rin malaman kung ano talaga ang mga pangyayari.

Humingi daw ng tulong si Ate Merle mga bandang 6:30 kaninang umaga, takbo naman daw ang Mama at si Stay Out. Umalis kasi ng maaga Daddy at dala yung Owner Jeep kaya inutusan ng Mama si Stay Out na pumunta sa Health Center at hiramin ang Ambulansiya. Pagdating ng ambulansiya sa bahay nina Ninang Ester, iyak na ng iyak si Ate Merle, kasi parang hindi na talaga humihinga si Ninang Ester. Habang papunta daw sa Ospital, nakapwesto kasi ang Mama sa may paanan ng stretcher, may nakita raw siyang tumutulo. Nang tinignan daw niyang maiigi kung bakit nababasa ang sahig ng ambulansiya, galing daw sa stretcher. Saka daw niya na-realize nang oras na iyon na patay na ang Ninang Ester kasi umihi na siya. Wala nang kontrol sa katawan kaya naihi na. Tinignan daw niya si Ate Merle, hindi na lang daw niya sinabi hinintay na lang niya na makarating sila sa Ospital at ang Ospital na ang magsasabi kung patay na nga ang Ninang Ester.

Tumango-tango ang mga co-teacher ng Mama. Saka sila nagdebate sa masamang dulot ng sigarilyo sa katawan. Hindi na ako nakinig. Lumabas ako ng balkonahe at pinanood ko ang paglalagay nila ng ilaw sa mga tolda at paga-ayos nila ng mga upuan at mesa para sa mga dadalaw sa burol. At sa mga magsusugal. Magdamagang “tong-its” at mahjong ang katapat nito kapag may burol.

Pagkatapos ng hapunan ay pumunta na kami sa kabilang bahay. Hindi na sumama ang Daddy dahil walang kasama ang Lola, umalis na kasi si Stay Out. Kaya kami na lang ng Mama ang pumunta, kasama ang mga co-teachers niya. Konti lang ang tao sa burol. Siguro dahil hindi pa alam ng mga tao na namatay na ang Ninang Ester, pero sabi ng Mama, wala silang masyadong kaibigan sa bayan namin. Hindi rin kasi sila dumadalaw sa burol ng mga ibang namamatayan kaya konti lang din ang dadalaw sa kanya ngayon. Kumbaga, hindi sila pala-kaibigan. Kung may dadalaw man, gusto lang nila ng lugar na pagsusugalan. Wala pa rin silang gaanong mga kamag-anak.Lima ang anak ng Ninang , nakasunod sa pangalan ng ninong ang mga unang letra na kanilang mga pangalan. A-M-A-D-O (Anghelita, Merlita, Amelita, Dalisay, Orlando). Apat na babae, bunsong lalake, pero bata pa nang mamatay si Orlando, hindi ko na nga siya nakilala, sa pictures ko na lang siya nakita. Si Ate Merle lang ang nasa bayan namin ngayon, nasa ibang bayan si Ate Hele, nasa Maynila si Ate Bok, nasa Canada si Ate Dalisay. At ang kanilang mga kamag-anak ay halos nasa ibang bayan din lahat. Kaya malamang, kinabukasan pa sila makakarating lahat o sa makalawang araw. Si Ate Dalisay ay hindi makakauwi, kapapanganak lang daw niya sa Canada, hindi pa siya pwede bumiyahe at ayaw siya payagan ng asawa niya. Tumawag na lang siya kay Ate Merle, umiiyak.

Hatinggabi na nang sinundo kami ng Daddy. Pinauwi na niya ako dahil may pasok pa ako kinabukasan at dahil iniwan niyang nag-iisa ang tulog ko nang Lola. Marahil hanggang umaga silang nakipaglamay kina Ate Merle, dahil ang mga magulang ko lang ang matatakbuhan ni Ate Merle, dahil wala siyang mga kamag-anak sa paligid niya.

Kinabukasan, pagkagaling ko ng skul. Nakita kong medyo madami nang tao sa burol, at maraming bagong mukha. Mga taga-Maynila siguro. Dumating na sila, sa wakas may mga kasama na si Ate Merle. Kawawa naman kasi siya, nag-iisa lang siya. Hinintay kong umuwi ang aking mga magulang upang may kasama akong magpunta sa kabila. Dahil kahit malapit ako sa kanila, kina Ate Merle, hindi ko pa kilala ang mga bagong dating. At kadalasan, kapag nakita ako at walang ibang mautusan, inuutusan nila ako. Kaya ayoko magpakita habang maaga pa.

Mga alas-otso na ng gabi nang magpunta kami sa burol. Naiwan na naman ang Daddy, kami lang nang Mama ang nagpunta. Pagdating duon ay sinalubong kami nina Ate Hele at Ate Bok. Nagkumustuhan, umiyak sila sa Mama, habang nakatigin lang ako sa gilid. Pagkatapos ng balitaan, saka lang nila nahalata na katabi pala ako ng Mama, saka nila ako pinansin. Malaki na raw ako, dalaga na raw ako, at gumaganda daw ako. Nakangiti naman ako sa mga sinabi nila, pakiramdam ko ay lilipad ang mga paa ko kapag inutusan nila ako nong mga oras na iyon, pumapalakpak ang tenga ko. Saka nila naalala, darating daw bukas si Pogi. Saka nila ako tinukso, kumunot naman ang noo ko, itinatago ang excitement ko sa katawan. Dahil sa totoo lang, inaasahan ko nang darating nga si Pogi.

Si Pogi ay pamangkin ng Ninang. Nagbabakasyon siya palagi sa amin kaya naging magkababata kami. Siya lang ang kalaro ko nuon dahil walang ibang mga bata sa “subdivision” namin. (Subdivision ang tawag ko dahil limang bahay lang ang nakatayo sa kalye namin. Bakanteng lote na kasing lawak ng isang ektarya ang nasa harapan at likuran ng bawat bahay, at sa tatlong bahay kasama na yung sa amin ay may fishpond). Ako na lang bata sa kalye namin dahil nag-aaral na sa elementarya at hayskul ang mga kapatid ko at ang mga anak ng mga kapitbahay namin. Kaya sa buong araw, kami lang ni Pogi ang magkasama. Minsan naglalaro kami ng bahay- bahayan, natural siya ang daddy ako ang mommy. Ang bahay namin ay yung maliit na desk sa bahay ng Ninang. Nakita kami ng Ninong nuon na nagtatago sa desk, na kunyari ay bahay namin, niloko niya kami, ang sabi ng Ninong,
“O sige nga, kung talagang mag-asawa kayo, kiss mo nga siya.”
Para namang uto-uto na hinalikan ako sa pisngi ni Pogi – dun ko naranasan ang aking first kiss – limang taong gulang, sa ilalim ng desk, habang humahagikgik sa tawa ang Ninong ko.

Ilang taon din kaming naging magkalaro ni Pogi, tuwing wala nang pasok ay nagbabakasyon siya sa amin hanggang umabot ako ng grade two. Hindi ko alam kung anong grado na siya sa Maynila basta mas matanda siya sa akin marahil nang 2 taon. Isang hapon habang kami’y parang mga asong kalye na palakad lakad at tumatambay sa ilalim ng mga puno. Nakaisip siya ng isang ideya nang makita niya ang isang kumpol ng mga winalis na tuyong dahon. Sabi niya,
“Sunugin natin!”
“Ayoko, magagalit si Mama.”
“Bakit naman?”
“Bawal maglaro ng apoy ang bata.”
“Hindi naman tayo maglalaro. Kapag naglaro ka ng apoy magkakaroon ka ng powers.”
“Anong powers?”
“Makokontrol mo ang pagsiklab at pagliit ng apoy!”
“Ows?”
“OO pramis! Ginawa ko na yun dati.”
“Hapon na, bawal magsiga pag hapon na.”
“Mas okay nga pag hapon eh, mawawala ang mga bad spirits.”
“Anong bad spirits?”
“Sige ka dadalawin ka nila mamayang gabi kapag hindi ka nag-siga.”
“Ha?”
“Halika na, kukunin ko yung lighter ni Tita.”

Dahil tinakot niya akong dadalawin ako ng mga multo ay pumayag na ako sa kagustuhan niya. Para akong asong bumubuntot sa kanya. Hanggang sa masindihan na niya ang mga tuyong dahon. Hindi namin napansin na ang isang kumpol ng mga tuyong dahon ay nakakunekta pala sa isa pang kumpol, at sa isa pang kumpol, at sa isa pang kumpol ng mga tuyong dahon. Lumaki ngayon ang apoy, natakot ako. Samantalang si Pogi ay tuwang-tuwang pinagmamasdan ang malaking apoy. Hindi ko alam (hanggang ngayon) kung anong nangyari, natabig ko siya at nahulog siya sa apoy. Hindi ako makagalaw nang makita ko siyang umiiyak at sumisigaw. Hangos na dumating naman ang Ninang at ang kasama namin sa bahay nuon. Pinagalitan ako ng Ninang, hindi daw kami dapat naglalaro ng apoy, at hindi ko raw dapat siya itinulak. Hindi ako umiyak nuon habang pinapagalitan ako ng Ninang, ang alam ko hindi ko siya itinulak. Basta nadulas yata siya o natabig ko, basta hindi ko siya itinulak.

Dinala sa Ospital si Pogi. Hindi na kami nagkita pagkatapos nang bakasyon na yun. Hindi ko na alam kung anong nangyari sa kanya. Nagpatuloy naman ako sa buhay ko. Hindi ko na naalala kung anong mga nangyari nuon. Hanggang sa umuwi ulit siya nung nasa ika-limang grado na ako. Tinatawag ako nuon ng Ninang dahil umuwi nga daw si Pogi, maglaro daw kami ulit. Maglaro? Ewan ko pero nahihiya na ako nuon sa kanya. Hindi na tulad ng dati ang pagkakaibigan namin. Lalo nang makita ko ang kanyang kaliwang braso, may mahaba at malaki siyang peklat sa kaliwang braso. Parang yung braso ni Robin Padilla sa patalastas, nasunog ko nga pala ang kanyang kaliwang braso nang “aksidenteng” mahulog siya sa apoy noong mga bata pa kami. Marahil dahil binata na siya nuon, wala na rin siyang ganang makipaglaro sa akin, mas gusto niyang tumambay kasama ang ibang mga batang lalake at maglaro ng basketbol. Hindi ko na siya pinuntahan. Pero sa tingin pa rin ng pamilya ko, at ng mga kamag-anak niya, childhood sweethearts pa rin kami.

Ikatlong araw ng burol, walang pasok kasi Sabado. Nakasanayan na ng katawan ko na kapag walang pupuntahan ay tatanghiliin talaga ako sa kama kapag walang nang-gising sa akin. Kaya pagdungaw ko sa balkon upang silipin ang burol, maraming mga bagong mukha ang tumambad sa akin. Tinanong ko si Mama, dumating na nga raw sina Pogi kaninang madaling araw. Kasama si Enchong, ang kuya niya at iba pa niyang mga pinsan. Excited naman akong naligo at nagbihis dahil kahit papaano ay may kaunting pananabik akong makita siyang muli. Iniisip kong baka ngayon pwede na kaming maging mag-kaibigan ulit. O maging higit pa dun.

Medyo hapon na nang dinaanan ng mga kaibigan niya ang Mama para pumunta sa lamay. Hindi kasi sila makapunta ng diretso nang wala ang Mama dahil hindi sila gaanong close sa pamilya ng Ninang. Pakiramdam nila ay hindi sila aasikasuhin, kailangan nila ng padrino sa pagpunta. Lamay na nga lang kailangan pa ng padrino. Pagdating sa lamay, hindi ako umaalis sa tabi ng Mama, kain lang ako ng kendi at pinapanood silang nagmamajong. Saka ako tinawag ni Ate Bok.
“Neneng, halika.”
Pinuntahan ko si Ate Bok. Nasa tabi niya ang pinakamagandang babaeng nakita ko sa tanang buhay ko. Maputi, mahaba na medyo kulay brown ang buhok, mapula ang mga pisngi, at nakangiti sa akin. Ipinakilala ako ni Ate Bok bilang si Neneng, nahiya naman ako.
“Hindi na po Neneng ang pangalan ko, Ate. Imee na po.”
Tumawa si Ate Bok, tumawa rin ang babae. Hindi ko talaga matanggal ang tingin ko sa kanya. Para siyang anghel sa puti. Ngayon lang kasi ako nakakita ng ganong kaputing tao. At sa mga mata niya, makikita mo ang asul na kalangitan. Ipinakilala ni Ate Bok ang babae, “Siya si Suzette, tita ni Pogi. Siya naman si Imee, childhood sweetheart ni Pogi.” Sabay halakhak silang dalawa na nakadagdag sa inis at hiya ko. Kinausap ako ni Ate Suzette, “Ikaw pala ang unang gerlpren ni Pogi ah.”
“Hindi ah!”
“Paano yan, ponget na si Pogi ngayon. Hindi na siya cute.”
Tumawa ako. Ponget na si Pogi. Nakita ni Ate Bok si Pogi saka niya ito kinawayan upang lumapit. Lumapit naman ito, nagtaka ako, ponget na nga siya. Ang inakala kong Pogi ay si Enchong pala, ang kuya niya. Si Enchong ngayon ang mas may itsura kaysa kay Pogi.
“Hoy ponget, halika dito, andito si Neneng oh!”, ang tawag ni Ate Bok.
Nakipagtawanan ako sa kanila. Nginitian lang ako ni Ponget, ngumiti lang din ako ng bahagya. Nawala ang excitement kong makita siyang muli, nawala ang pagnanais kong sana maging magkaibigan kami muli. Nawala ang pagnanais ko na sana maging higit pa kami sa magkaibigan. Muntik na akong maduwal, arrghh! Ano ba ang mga iniisip ko.

Natuon ngayon ang atensiyon ko kay Ate Suzette. Gusto ko siyang makilala. Gusto kong malaman kung saan siya nanggaling, anong mga paborito niya, anong kinakain niya, kung mabait ba siya, kung saan siya nakatira, at bakit ang puti-puti niya.

Sa kabuuan ng gabi ay pinipilit kaming pag-usapin ni Ponget. Hindi ko siya tinitignan, simpleng kamustahan lang. Hindi na rin ako na-guilty nung nakita ko ang ala Robin Padilla niyang pilat sa kaliwang braso. Pinanindigan ko sa aking sarili na wala akong kasalanan sa nangyari. Siya ang nahulog, siya ang nasunog, siya ang tanga. Sinubukan niya akong kausapin nang higit pa sa “Hi” at “Hello”, pero hindi ko siya naririnig. Pinapanood ko si Ate Suzette habang pilit na nagpapansin sa kanya si Maricris, ang resident tomboy ng bayan namin. Natatawa ako tuwing nagtatago si Ate Suzette sa kanya tapos lalabas si Maricris tinanong ang lahat ng tao kung nakita daw ba nila si Ate Suzette. Mayroon namang mga asar na sinasabing umuwi na raw ng Maynila, kaya umuwi na rin siya sa bahay nila. Nagtatawanan na lang ang mga tao sa ginagawang kabalbalan ni Maricris. Para ngang wala kami sa lamay kung magtawanan sila.

Kinaumagahan, may mga balitang kumakalat na tungkol kay Ate Suzette. Dumalaw sa bahay namin at nakipagkwentuhan sa Mama ang mga bading na kapitbahay namin. Dala dala nila ang ilang mga tsismis na nakalap nila tungkol kay Ate Suzette. Drug addict daw siya dati, at palipat-lipat ng lalake, kabit daw siya, pakawalang babae, at yung 3 years old na batang lalake na ipinapakilala niyang pamangkin ay anak niya talaga. Gusto kong tahiin ang bibig ng mga bading na ito, gusto ko silang palayasin. Ang ganda ganda ng umaga binibwisit nila sa pamamagitan ng pagkakalat ng tsismis tungkol kay Ate Suzette. Si Ate Suzette na walang kaalam-alam na pinagpyepyestahan na siya ng tsismis sa bayan namin. Marahil, katulad ko rin silang nagulat sa kanyang ganda, sa kanyang pagkatao kung kaya’t gumagawa sila ng mga kwento upang hindi nila maramdaman na iba si Ate Suzette sa kanila, hindi nila maramdaman na mas nangingibabaw si Ate Suzette sa kanila. Ayaw na nila siyang kilalanin, ayaw nilang masapawan. Ayaw nilang matalo. Pero iba ako, gusto ko siyang makilala. Gusto kong makilala kung sino ang katauhan sa likod ng kagandahang bumibihag sa lahat ng tao sa bayan namin.

Kinagabihan, nagpunta ulit kami ng lamay. Sa unang pagkakataon, sinilip ko ang Ninang sa loob ng kabaong. Nakakunot ang noo niya, parang hirap na hirap siya, maitim ang gilid ng kanyang mga mata. Hindi natakpan ng make-up ang kanyang mga pekas sa mukha at leeg. Hindi rin ayos ang kanyang maikling buhok, nilagyan lang ito ng clip para hindi pumunta sa kanyang mukha. Naawa ako sa Ninang, mabait siya sa akin, kahit never niya ako binigyan ng regalo, ninang ko pa rin siya at sa mata ng Diyos ay pangalawang nanay ko siya, o basta parang ganun na rin. Naisip ko na kapag namatay ako, gusto ko sponsored ng Maybelline ang make-up ko, ayusin ni Fanny Serrano ang buhok ko, gawa ni Inno Sotto ang gown ko, at Anais Anais ang pabango ko. Tapos may banner ako sa labas na may picture ako, tapos lalagyan nila lahat ng white roses, ayoko ng korona ng patay, gusto ko naka-boquet lahat. Nangingiti ako sa mga naiisip ko, hindi ko alam, kanina pa pala ako pinagmamasdan ni Ate Suzette.

Nakaupo siya sa hagdanan, halatang nagtatago sa mga tao. Ayaw niyang magpakita sa labas. Tinawag niya ako umupo ako sa tabi niya. Naka-shorts siya ng maikli at nakatali ang mahaba niyang buhok. Sa malapitan ko lang napansin na marami pala siyang pekas sa leeg, marahil dahil nga siguro mistisa. Pakiramdam ko ako na ang pinakamaswerteng tao sa lamay na iyon (maliban sa Ninang ko) dahil pinili akong kausapin ni Ate Suzette.

Hinawakan niya ang mahaba kong buhok, saka niya ito nilaro-laro na parang tinitirintas. Saka niya ako tinanong.
“Ang ganda naman ng buhok mo... nag-brace ka ba dati?”
“Hindi po.”
“Maganda ngipin mo, alagaan mo yan. Crowning glory ng babae ang smile niya.”
Tumango lang ako.
“Tinuturuan ba kayong mag-Tagalog sa skul niyo?”
“Hindi po, bakit?”
“Buti marunong kang mag-Tagalog?”
Nainis akong konti. Insulto yun ah. “Hindi naman po kami mga taong bundok.”
Natawa siya. Marahil na-realize niya ang pagkawalang kwenta ng tanong niya.
“Ilang taon ka na?”
“”15 po.”
“Bata ka pa nga. 27 na ako eh.”
“Hindi po kayo mukhang matanda.”
“Naku, ang dami ko nang experience na higit pa sa edad ko.”
“Ano yun?”
“Alam mo dati, nung bata pa ako, naglayas ako sa amin. Galit ako sa mga magulang ko noon. Nalulong ako sa bisyo. Sa barkada… Naninigarilyo ka ba?
“Hindi po!”
“Tama yan. Huwag na huwag mong subukan, huwag mo kong tutularan. Nag-umpisa lang nuon sa subok subok, hanggang sa hinahanap hanap ko na.”
“Ang alin?”
“Natuto na akong mag-drugs. Kung ano ano ang ginawa ko nuon para lang may pambili ako ng drugs. Naranasan ko pa ngang matulog sa Luneta eh. Alam mo ba iyon? Luneta?”

Napika na naman ako. Iniisip niya talagang wala akong alam. Tingin niya talaga sa akin ay isang probinsiyanang walang alam sa mundo. Pero okay lang, kaya kong palampasin ang insultong hindi naman niya sinasadya, basta magkausap lang kami.

“Opo, alam ko kung ano ang Luneta.”
“Ang galing mo naman.”

Pinigilan ko na lang ang galit ko sa pamamagitan ng pag-ngiti. Hindi niya napansin ang ginagawa kong pagpigil sa sarili ko. Sige pa rin siya sa pagkukuwento.

“Me boyfriend ka na ba?”
Umiling lang ako.
“Huwag ka munang magbo-boyfriend. Tapusin mo muna ang paga-aral mo. Ako hindi ko na natapos ang highschool. Anong year mo na?”
“Third year.”
“Tama yan, huwag ka munang magboyfriend. Ako 16 ako unang nagboyfriend. Kaya heto ngayon, pagsisihan ko man hindi ko na maibabalik. Pero alam mo, sa kabila ng lahat ng nangyari sa akin, tinanggap ko ng buong buo ang lahat ng mga kaparusahan ko.”
“bakit?”
“Dahil kapag may ginawa kang kasalanan, bumalik ka lang sa Diyos, at humingi ka ng patawad. Patatawarin ka Niya.”
“Ha?”
“Akala ko nuon hindi na ako makakabangon. Pero mula nang maging Born Again ako, nahanap ko ang pagbabago. Wala akong pakialam sa mga sinasabi ng mga tao, ang mahalaga sa akin ay mabago ko ang sarili ko para sa Diyos. Hindi para kaninong poncio pilato na pakiramdam niya ay hulog siya ng langit sa mga kababaihan!”
“Sino po?”

Nalito na ako. Hindi ko na masundan ang mga pinagsasabi niya. Alam ko pinagsasabihan niya ako pero hindi ko naman gagawin ang mga ginawa niya. Nakuntento na lang ako sa pagtingin sa kanyang magandang mukha.

“Basta maniwala ka sa Kanya. Hindi ka Niya pababayaan tulad ng ginawa Niya sa akin. Mahal tayo ng Diyos. Basta lahat ng gagawin mo ialay mo sa Kanya.Tignan mo, magiging mabuti ang takbo ng lahat para sa iyo.”
“Alam ko naman po iyo. Nagsisimba naman po ako palagi. Tsaka marami pa akong gustong gawin sa buhay ko, marami pa akong pangarap.”

Hindi siya sumagot. Malungkot siyang ngumiti. Pinatalikod niya ako saka tinanggal ang tinirintas niyang buhok ko, inumpisahan niyang tirintasin itong muli. Saka siya nagsalita.

“Tama yan.Abutin mo ang mga pangarap mo.”

Tumigil siya sa pagtirintas sa aking buhok. Nilingon ko siya, nakayuko lamang siya hawak pa rin ang buhok ko, kaya hindi ako lubusang nakalingon dahil nasasabunutan ako. Tumutulo ang mga luha niya. Binitawan na niya ang buhok ko, hinayaan kong malaglag muna ito at hindi ko inayos kahit mukha akong bruhang kulot ang buhok, dahil umiiyak siya. Umiiyak si Ate Suzette. Tinapik ko siya sa tuhod. Hinimas himas ko ang likod niya. Pilit ko siyang pinapatahan. Ayoko siyang umiyak, kahit na hindi ko alam kung bakit. Dahil kaya kay Ninang? O sa mga nasabi ko? Kahit ano pa mang dahilan ayoko siyang nakikitang umiiyak, naiiyak na rin kasi ako. Ayokong umiyak.


Niyakap niya ako, hindi paharap na tulad ng sa magkaibigan. Kundi niyakap niya akong parang sa isang ina sa anak. Yapos niya ang aking ulo, nakadagan ang baba niya sa tuktok ng ulo ko. Hindi ko alintana ang bigat ng baba niya at tumutulo niyang luha, hinayaan ko siya. Niyakap ko rin ang kanyang baywang. Ang aking maikling braso ay nakayakap sa kanyang baywang. Bumubundol sa mukha ko ang kanyang malaking hinaharap, pinilit kong igilid ang aking mukha upang makahinga ako nang hindi nai-istorbo ang kanyang pag-iyak. Ayokong magbigay ng dahilan upang bitawan niya ako. Dahil kahit nahihirapan ako, natutuwa ako.


TO BE CONTINUED...

THE STORY

A big hush swept the palace that day. Priests were everywhere, running inconspicuously to a secret room; bringing cloths, perfumes, olive oils, and a big urn… where a suspicious occurrence was silently taking place.
” Why is this happening?”
“ Hush! Say not a word! Your eyes had not been opened, your ears heard no whispers, and your lips shall be sealed with faith. Go hence, and like a ghost place these things under the aegis of the clandestine ground!”

Daybreak came and things slowly return to its normal state. Merchants came and went in the city market. Architects continued building the great city of Tell-Al Amarna, creating huge columns for the splendid temples of the noon-god Aton. Artisans busily labors in inscribing hieroglyphs on the walls, telling the story of the great empire of Pharaoh Amenhotep IV, of his beautiful wife Queen Nefertiti and his six lovely daughters, and of his giving up the worship of the traditional Egyptian deity, the god Amun and conversing the whole kingdom into devotion for the noon-god Aton. However, not everybody was pleased with his decision, everybody meaning, the priests of Amun, who were devastated and angered by the sudden shift of faith by the pharaoh.
“ Who does he think he is? He had abandoned the faith his ancestors had worship for centuries! He is a madman!”
“ Be careful with your words brother! He is, after all the King of Egypt, the Pharaoh who has control over all our lives!”
“What shall we do? We should do something or we shall perish in the desert with nothing!”
“ Fear not, his reign shall be short lived, the gods shall help us. The true god Amun will help us!”
“What is hidden beneath your words, brother?”
“ You shall be a witness to it. Be patient.”
Years had passed and a girl in the age of 14 playfully wades in a hidden lagoon, where water from the Blue Nile gently turn and create a spawning pool of cool blue water. Where white lilies and wild desert flowers happily sink their roots for nourishment, and where tall palm trees grow, conceiving an enormous shadow enough to protect a hundred camels from the scorching heat of the sun. She is wearing a white satin wrap-around cloth, with a lovely blue laced shawl comfortly sitting on her shoulders, and an equally fabulous blue belt that brings out her noticeable curve figure and her tiny waist. This splendid dress is accentuated with gold round earrings, light shining grand necklace, gold armbands on both upper limbs, and two spectacular gold rings designed especially for her. The one on her left middle finger is a miniature of the sacred cobra, and the other on her right ring finger is the face of the goddess Isis, skillfully crafted by the city’s best. She now removes her gold sandals to feel the cool water on her little bare foot. While sitting in one of the green molded rocks, the wind gently blows her hair across her face, which somehow irritated her that she kept adjusting her gold hair band, when suddenly the smooth water is producing ripples. She was alarmed. No one knows of this paradise, her paradise. Her keen black eyes started to look for the trespasser, preparing herself for surprise, and a fight, if needed.
“ I didn’t know the Nile could create such a beautiful heaven.”
“You are entering a forbidden region!”
“ Yesterday I wandered where the Nile is going, so I decided to follow it, and here I am. Now I know it is for the bliss of a beautiful stranger.”
“This beautiful stranger has a name and I again remind you of your intrusion. If you do not leave at once, soldiers…”
“I am in no doubt that you have a name. For all the living creatures has a name. This plant over here, I think is named… however beautiful it is, I cannot seem to remember what it is called. But I will call it the flower of destiny…”
“I believe you have the capacity to name all the creatures you see. But I again for the third time …”
“Yes… I apologize. I must have disturbed your deep thought. I just have this urge to name you, like I’ve seen you before, I don’t know where, but…to tell you the truth I am not sorry I came here, I am comfortable here, and I am determined to stay as long as I want! And you my princess will just have to learn to accept that!”
“You are very rude! This is my lagoon and I intend to keep it that way!”
“Me? Rude? You are the one who refuses to share this miracle of land with other people! So you must be selfish then!”
“It is only you that I reject! You do not belong here!”
“Is it because the way I look? Though handsome and attractive… I am not welcomed because compared to you, my clothing is nothing but a rag?”
“You have taken my point and played with it cleverly. Nobody of lower stature could do such a thing! Only men with fine education could toy someone’s idea. So I believe you are the one who is so selfish to reveal your true identity!”
“You take interest in my true identity… whatever reasons, I am equally flattered. Thank you…so you insinuate that if I tell you who I am, I get to stay here…with you?”
“I might. On account that you will be discreet and prudent.”
“Very well then… I am Tutankhamun. I live at the Temple of Amun with my uncle. How about you?”
“Our tryst contained only of you introducing yourself, mine is not included.”
“I am impressed by your trickery. But if you do not tell me now who you are, I will still find out sooner or later… and I might be tempted to call you in another name, and it won’t be pleasant…”
“Ankhsenamun. Sixth daughter of the Pharaoh.”
“O… Ankhsenamun… pretty name for a pretty face.”
“You do not seem to be worried that I am a princess, a real princess.”

They stood there, mindful of each other's presence yet went against their wits not to converse. Both squint their little eyes to get a glimpse of each other in secret. She went around a rock formation and foolishly thought that she could stay there until he leaves, but he noticed her - and with the same foolishness positioned himself right across infront of her. She was irritated, while he smirked in his arrogance. Then, she felt tiny drops of water splashed on her feet, she retorted back with a handful of water and threw it directly at him. He laughed, then ran. She went after him splashing in the lagoon as they went along, laughing and enjoying themselves.

Breathless, they sat on a rock, with an ackward silence. Suddenly, the young man’s expression changed. From a sarcastic, arrogant and boastful lad… he became aware of a feeling, a feeling so vaguely familiar but comfortable in nature, a feeling of something deeper… a bond, between him and the princess… a bond he welcomed with awe…
“Whoever, whatever you are…I care less. For I know that I like you, just by talking to you, and watching you… and like this flower of destiny I have in my hands, I want to hold you, here in my arms. Bury my face deep in your shoulders, smell the sweet perfume in your neck, run my hands in your healthy breasts, and kiss you… kiss you until you and I become one…”
“Such passionate words you have. And deep expressive eyes… I am afraid I might let you… only that we are still strangers…”
“I am again saddened by your refusal. But I will not walk away knowing I found love and let it go. I will insist until you realized life is short…and every minute should be seized with love! Young as we are, we should not be careless! Or time will just pass us by…”
“You are so certain, and that is a great thing! I am willing to take this risk with you, but I assume that this moment is not impulsive…so I suggest that you come back tomorrow, the same time, this same place…and tell me again of your love, of your passion, and your desire. Then I will decide if I will give you mine…”
“I cannot blame you for taking precautions, but I assure you that I will be here tomorrow. I will not sleep tonight nor drink any herb…I will think of you. I will think of us, then rest. … You must also be fatigued but permit me to take just one kiss from your lips, then I will go.”
The lovers, young they seem to be, are very much gifted with the ability to love and to do anything for love. They parted ways and went in their each abode, dreaming of the coming tomorrow and it’s promises of love.

The palace was filled with confusion when Ankhsenamun arrived. Women pour sand on their heads. Each servant holds perfumes and sacred oils. A familiar body lies on the table, surrounded with priests mumbling sacred chants only they could understand, and her mother, Queen Nefertiti along with her five sisters sat in seclusion consoling one another…
“Mother… its me….”
“Never do I expect to shed such tears for my husband…”
“Your eyes will swell…”
“I do not know how to control it, my eyes seems to have their own mind… they cry like my heart… they feel the pain… the pain of Egypt for losing such a great King… the pain of my children for losing their father… and the pain, the pain of losing the only man I ever and will only, love!”
“He looked so troubled dear sister… our Father died in pain!”
“He had suffered an unknown and unworthy death… I cannot let myself see him in that state! Go, and describe to me his gentle face… describe to me my father, my loving father… please?”
“Hush now… stay still, let not our grief make us suffer too… for I am certain father would be more hurt to see us like this…”
She stood there, gazing at the only father she had known. The most famous man in Egypt lies on the table, the grand King Amenhotep IV… his eyes were closed as if he was having a nightmare…how could a gentle and good man suffer such fate? Thinking of how happy she was minutes ago; how excited she was to break the news to her father; how she imagined her father’s reaction would be. She was his favorite daughter…the most loved, the most cherished. Now Egypt was left with no ruler.
The Vizier named Ayê, above all is the most troubled. He is the one who is now in charge of the kingdom. He must find someone to rule Egypt as the Pharaoh, and fast.
“What shall happen now, great Vizier?”
“ Who will succeed the king? Definitely not Queen Nefertiti…she is so poignant, she’ll bring the empire down if she’ll rule!”
“How about Prince Smhenkhara? Since the king has no son born to him as an heir, the prince can very well rule!”
“Prince Smhenkhara is a weakling! He only enjoys pleasures and women, he doesn’t have the right to rule Egypt… he is a menace!”
“ Then who shall lead the people of Egypt? If we do not find someone fast, the people will demand for a King!”
“Great Vizier, what are you thinking?”
“The King has no son. He only produced six daughters, which are not yet capable to run the kingdom. Therefore, the only thing we could do… is to marry off one of the princesses to have a King!”
So a plan has evolved….
The Vizier had ordered the ministers to put up a forum where He could announce the forthcoming fate of Egypt, in the hands of the unknown man, who would be king.
Servants are running around the castle, getting ready for the banquet; cooking the food; running perfumes and clothes for the Princesses to use… assisting their baths, wiping their bodies, keeping them comfortable, before the light of day would come.
However, one particular princess is not quite happy and excited to attend the banquet. Ankhsenamun is worried to her bones about what the events of the day would bring. She was to meet her sweet stranger at the lagoon; he would wait for her before the sun rests. And she would come, no matter what; she would lay her head in his arms.
“ Faster dear sister! You know how the Vizier acts when we are late…”.
“Yes, we should be there before he eats all the food! Hahaha!”
“Alright then, lets go… shall this banquet be long?”
“I hope so, I prepared myself enough to last a lifetime!”
“Can I leave right after his announcement? I have some matters to do…”
“I do not think that is wise dear Ankhsenamun, you know the rules… no one shall leave the banquet table until all is done.”
“But I have pressing things to focus on… can I just go? Just this once? Please? You Meritaten is our oldest sister, and you will be the next queen… hence you have the power to change the rules!”
I hope I could… I really wish I could have that much power to change tradition, to change my fate…if only I could…”
As the sisters walked towards the banquet room, the talks died down naturally. Waiting at the further end of the table is the Vizier, with a canny smile gracing his face, and beckoning them to come closer.
“Shall I start this conference, if you may? Due to the recent death of our beloved King Amenhotep, we are left with no male heir, who could easily ascend to the throne…instead we have here are six lovely princesses. As to conform to our tradition, one must marry in order for Egypt to have a King, in this case, Princess Meritaten… it is now your responsibility to choose a noble man to marry, so we can have a King!”
“As long as he is noble in deed, He has the right to marry me and be the King?”
“Noble… He must be of noble birth or he must come from a respected family, he must have high education so he can attend to the matters of the kingdom… and of course, he must have a good name!”
“And not to worry dear princess…. The council will choose the right King for you…”

TO BE CONTINUED...

Victoria, an accountant, is engaged to be married to boyfriend of 4 years Paul. One month before the wedding Paul has to go to Davao for a business conference.

In the airplane, seated beside Paul is Cecille, a freelance Interior Designer. The two struck a conversation immediately for Paul was excited with the wedding and Cecille is nice to converse with. He showed her a picture of Victoria, and even gave her a spare invitation card for the wedding and asked her if she could decorate the apartment where he and Victoria would stay. He said that Victoria likes the color green and she wants something spacious, maybe lots of mirrors or something to that effect. He got carried away describing Victoria that he related to Cecille everything that he and Victoria went through. How he met Victoria in the grocery store in the most awkward of situations (he was buying napkins for his sister). How he met her again in the dentist’s office (they have the same dentist). And how he proposed to her in a church. Cecille, irritated by Paul’s talkativeness, pretended to really listen and nod in agreement while scanning the plane’s safety manual. Paul then asked her to see if Victoria would love their wedding rings. While Cecille was busy playing with the rings, even putting them in her finger – the plane suddenly went berserk and with all of confusion – the plane went down.

Saddened by the tragic news of the plane crash, Victoria was overtaken by grief. She loved Paul very much and for two months she went to and fro asking if they have found Paul’s body, she saw Cecille.

The two looked at each other without knowing why. A feeling of longing overtook them, but was not able to converse or react to that feeling for Cecille was wheeled away to another room.

Victoria, finally giving up, she gave her dress away and burned all the invitations, etc…She retreated into her own world. And for a while, all she did was work and work and work.

Meanwhile, Cecille, recuperating from the plane crash has post-stress-traumatic syndrome that she refuses to remember what happened. In a few months, she’s back in the streets, working her ass up again getting projects.

IN the grocery store, Victoria was buying supplies for herself. When she reached for a napkin, she thought she saw Paul reaching for the same sanitary pad like the first time they met. Only to find out it was Cecille (they don’t remember each other). Cecille smiled and apologized, and got another set of sanitary pads. While Cecille was walking away, Victoria can’t help but look at her with a curious glance. Like there’s something she’s supposed to do but don’t know what. While Cecille was walking away, she looked back at Victoria with curiosity, she felt like she knew her from somewhere but can’t remember. She just shrugged her shoulders and continued shopping.

After doing the grocery, Victoria would usually stop by the shoe store and find out if there’s anything that finds her fancy. She got one slipper and tried it on. As she was looking at her feet in the mirror, another set of feet walked beside her, and asked if she’s buying that pair, coz it’s the only pair left with that size. She looked up to see it was the woman at the grocery store, the same feelings overwhelmed her and she kind of blush. Cecille noticed it and was quick in apologizing, she never meant to upset her or anything. Just that she likes the shoes and it’s the only pair left. She doesn’t want to go to another mall and look for her size. Victoria recovered and said it was ok – she was just shocked that’s all. Then she said she’s not buying it so Cecille can have the shoes. Cecille thought something was off with Victoria when she thanked her and proceeded to buy the shoes.

CECILLE was presenting a design layout to a prospective client. The client liked the design and commissioned Cecille for the job. The client then referred her to another business associate who are in need of additional interior designers for their condo projects.

VICTORIA is busy finishing the monthly financial report of the construction company owned by Paul’s family. Her boss, Mrs. Go, Paul’s mom, told her to keep low since she knows that Victoria is still grieving and she doesn’t have to work that hard. Which Victoria dismissed and said that she’d be better off working than sulking at home. So if there were anything more she can do for the company she’d be willing to work hard. So her boss assigned to her another account – the new condo, to handle the budget and to oversee that the materials used are according to plan and that all additional cost should be approved by her. She gladly accepted the job and said that she’ll get on with it. She then instructed Victoria to get in touch with the department head regarding the project.

CECILLE went to the construction company and presented her portfolio. The head of the department liked her works and hired her for the project. Although she cautioned Cecille that her materials should be within the budget since the company is really in a bad time since the demise of the boss’s son. She agreed and said that the reason why they like her concept is because it is a sophisticated urban look yet easily achieved by cheap materials and carefully chosen furniture. She then said that she’s going to canvass for the materials needed and needs time before she can come up with the financial statement and she needs to see the place of course. The head of the department said that she should talk with their budget officer and asked the secretary to call the budget officer but the secretary said that she already left. So the head of the department asked Cecille to call in the morning so that she’ll know if the budget officer would be available to accompany her to the site. Which she agreed, and bade goodbye for she has another appointment.
As she walked towards the closing elevator she yelled “Please Hold!” but Victoria didn’t hear it.

At the dentist’s clinic, Victoria was waiting for her turn when Cecille came in and said she has an appointment. Victoria froze for she thought that Paul just came in -then Cecille sat beside her. Victoria immediately recovered and was the first to smile, which was received warmly by Cecille. Victoria then said that they have bumped into each other in the most unforeseen of circumstances. It feels like déjà vu, but it’s totally fucked up. Cecille just smiled and shrugged her shoulders and out of nowhere said that Victoria’s face is familiar, and joked that maybe once they shared the same dream. They smiled at each other as one would smile when given chocolates and a dozen roses. They smile with a connection unknown to them both, yet it somehow binds them to meet. Strangers as they are – they don’t even know each other’s names. Huh. Victoria was called in first, and before going in she turned and looked at Cecille once more as if telling her to wait for her, and she would wait for her too. Cecille nodded and smiled. Victoria blushed.

While Victoria was inside, Cecille got a phone call from Dina, her sister asking her where she is, and if she could pick up her kids because she was caught by traffic and the children are already waiting. She said she’s near the school and she would pick the kids up. She had her appointment re-scheduled and hurriedly left. When Victoria came out, she was disappointed to see no one waiting for her. She looked around, even peeked in at the clinic again, but there’s no Cecille. She frowned and walked away.

While driving her nephews home, Cecille got a phone call from the construction company asking if she’s available by 9am tomorrow to meet with the budget officer and visit the site. She said ok and hung up.

Cecille went to the construction office to meet with the budget officer. While she was at the office waiting, Victoria came in and was glad to see Cecille sitting in the room. She smiled shyly as if asking, “how did you find me? Cecille was also shocked to see Victoria and just smiled and gestured her head in “I don’t have an idea” manner. The silence was broken by the head of the department and assumed they know each other already. But both disagreed and said that they don’t, and it’s just a long story. So the head of the department introduced them to one another as Cecille the designer, and Vicky the budget officer. For the first time, Cecille offered her hand in a handshake, and said “So, your name’s Vicky, huh? ”.

Cecille drove going to the site, and while in the car, both were speechless except for the occasional road directions from Victoria. A few glances and warm smiles were shared now and then, as Victoria took the liberty of time to gaze at Cecille, she reminds her someone very special to her. Although it’s weird because Cecille is a woman, and she’s also a woman – but there’s this magnet that draws her to Cecille. She noticed Cecille’s a little chinita, with a tanned skin, her hair in a sexy bob accessorized by black pearl earrings, and her bare back exposed through her spaghetti strapped blouse – her skin, it looks so soft – she was startled back from her gaze when Cecille turned to look at her and asked for more directions. Victoria directed her left to a stop at a building, and to the parking lot.

As the two of them are checking the condo units, and Victoria explaining the vision of the company, Cecille behind her was observing how she moves, her long wavy hair that bounces when she moves, her slim figure and her nice skin. And she wonders why her black-rimmed eyeglass somehow gives more appeal to Victoria instead of making her look conservative. And those lips… she snapped out of her thoughts and looked away. She’s a woman, and so is Victoria, it is NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

“SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?” Asked Victoria. “Can you plan the design of the building? Choose one unit to be the model unit.”
“Of course. This is a dream job.” Cecille answered smiling.

“SO, YOU WANNA HAVE LUNCH? I know this good restaurant that serves really good food! It’s my treat so don’t bother saying no.” Asked Cecille.

Victoria was surprised when Cecille brought her to the Korean restaurant she and Paul used to go to. Somehow, she has an inkling what might be her feelings for Cecille. For so short a time, Victoria saw Paul in Cecille - in a very very weird way…how Cecille double checked if the car was locked; how Cecille opened the chopstick pack for her; how Cecille stays away from orange foods, except for the kimchi; and when she laughs… her heart sings. Too much coincidence?

“DO YOU BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION?” Victoria asked her friend Jona. “What if the person you are so in love with died and went to another body? How would you know if it’s him? Would he even recognize you? And what if that body – belongs to a different kind of person?”
Jona was amused by her questions, she asked if she thinks Paul was reincarnated and she’s met the person already. “That’s impossible,” she said. “Once you die, it’s either you go to heaven or you go to hell.”
“But what about unfinished business?”
“What about it? Don’t tell me you believe in that CASPER stuff. You’re too old for that.” “I know, it’s embarrassing but I’ve met someone, and I think she’s Paul.”

“SHE? She’s Paul? What do you mean SHE IS PAUL? As in, girl… Paul became a girl?” Jona laughed. It’s the most hilarious thing she’s ever heard. But when she saw Victoria with a serious face. She mellowed down and confronted her friend.
“Vhic, are you serious? If this is even true – are you going to be a lesbian?”
Victoria shrugged her shoulders and admitted that she doesn’t know what’s going to happen next. She’s just sure that there’s something going on … “BASTA.”

Cecille picked up her nephews once again and brought them home to her sister Dina’s house. She asked the maid to give them a bath and have some rest, their parents are going to be home soon and she would join them for dinner. As the kids went upstairs, Ian the youngest went to his parent’s room as he always does. Cecille heard Ian scream and hurriedly ran upstairs – she saw her sister at the side of the bed, blanket wrapped around her obvious nakedness and a man (not her brother-in-law) on the other side of the bed, hurriedly wearing his pants. She took Ian in her arms and covered his face with her hands and took him away, while staring accusingly at her sister.

During dinner, Cecille hasn’t spoken to her sister yet about what happened. Phillip, Dina’s husband, was just observing the silence when at last he can’t bear it anymore and spoke. He said that he’s glad Cecille decided to join them for dinner. Can’t imagine being alone in her apartment, he offered that Cecille could stay for the night. But Cecille kindly declined the offer, saying she’s still got a job to do. She just got this design account of a new condo building. Phillip asked what company – Cecille said ILC Associates. Then Phillip said that he knows the company and the son of the owner died in an accident, where Cecille was also part of. Cecille just ignored the conversation and continued eating, but Phillip went on and said that the owner’s son is supposedly getting married before that happened. “Poor guy,” he said… “No, poor girl,” Cecille commented.

As Cecille was about to leave, Dina caught up with her and said they needed to talk. Cecille asked, “What is there to talk about? It’s either you tell Phillip or I will.”
Dina said, “It’s not that easy.”
Cecille was furious, “Ian will probably be traumatized by what he saw – God forbids he saw anything – and you’re saying it’s not that easy? How could you do that to a loving husband, to your two adorable kids? I can’t be, I don’t want to be a part of that.”

At the office, Cecille was in a bad mood that she refuses to talk to anyone. Even to her secretary / close friend Myra who was obviously concerned with her. Cecille told Myra to go away, which Myra said ok, then turned around and said that the budget officer from the construction firm called and she wants to know when can she see projected cost for the materials and furniture for the model unit. Cecille said ok she’d call the budget officer herself. When Myra left, she thought for a while and decided to get back to work, to hell with her sister. She dialed the budget officer’s number…

Victoria was researching about reincarnations online. Then she decided to google Cecille Leano – up came her name under the survivor’s list of the plane crash that took Paul away. Cecille’s seat was 24E, Paul’s seat was 24F. They were seated together! She froze - a flashback from that day in the hospital where she went looking for Paul. That was Cecille – she muttered “oh my God” … then startled by the ringing phone. It was Cecille on the other line…

“HELLO VICKY, it’s Cecille, I got your message about the projected cost. I haven’t finished it yet. Would you mind if I give it to you before this week ends?”
No response.
“Hello Vicky? Are you there?”
Victoria, still shocked, was unable to speak.
“Hello?”
Victoria recovered for a while and said, “Yes, it’s ok.”
“All right then… are you, ok?” Asked Cecille with concern.
“I don’t know,” whispered Victoria. “I fucking don’t know!”
Weird, Cecille thought, and then hung up the phone.

Victoria came home very disturbed. She wasn’t able to eat, which made her mother concerned. She went to her room and took out Paul’s picture from her drawer. She was looking at the picture as if looking for some answers.
“Are you trying to tell me something, Paul?” Then she fell asleep hugging Paul’s picture.

IN THE MORNING, Victoria told Jona what she found out about Cecille. Jona was ecstatic, can’t really believe she’s hearing this kind of things from Vicky. But considered the odds and said, “It might be him, it might not be him, the only thing to make sure is let’s summon Paul’s spirit.” Victoria frowned at her friend and told her to take her seriously, she’s really confused.
“I don’t know, Vhic, it sounds really impossible. You know that movie BIRTH with Nicole Kidman thinking that the little boy was her dead husband? It turns out the boy just read their love letters and then pretended to be the husband. What if that is what’s happening now, huh? What if Paul told Cecille everything about you and now she’s setting out to get you, pretending to be Paul. What if it’s like that?” Jona asked.
“But she’s not pretending to be Paul. I don’t think she knows I’m Paul’s fiancée, or I don’t think she knows Paul at all.” Answered Victoria.
“Then only one way to find out… get close.” Jona winked.

CECILLE went to the construction firm’s office to give the projected cost to Victoria. Obviously, Victoria set out a plan – to know the truth. Then she called on to Jona and showed her Cecille from a distance of course.
Jonah said that Victoria was lucky, if she were to be with a woman too, Cecille would be a catch! Victoria pinched Jona to get serious, but agreed that Cecille is really beautiful. Then Jona said Paul has good taste of choosing who to become when reincarnated then chuckled. That comment made Victoria think again – then smiled. An officemate, Ben, passed by and got curious about what the two are looking at, and whispered to them “So, what’s up with her?”
The two were startled and suddenly stopped. Exchanged weird glances and went their way. Leaving Ben to himself admiring Cecille.

BACK at her desk, Victoria with a thundering nervous spirit calmly tried to hide her smile. She reviewed the papers and said that it’s more than their budget allocation. “Could you cut down a bit, maybe with the furniture, canvass for more lower prices or better yet cheaper materials.” She asked.
Cecille was baffled by what she heard and raised her left eyebrow. ”What? You want to change my design?”
“No, not change. Maybe mold it into a cheaper but still as elegant as your design.”
Cecille shook her head.
“You don’t like?” Asked Victoria.
“It would mean more work for me and I haven’t got that time to canvass right now.” Answered Cecille sarcastically.
“It’s okay, I could come with you if you want. So that you won’t have to prepare a draft again. That ok with you?” Victoria asked.
“Are you sure? It doesn’t seem like its part of your job. And I’m not really sure you could help me choose – if you know what I mean?”
“Excuse me. I know enough to say which color goes with what and what style should go with… what…”
Cecille chuckled. “You’re funny. You’re just making it all up.”
Victoria smiled, “Am I? I’m glad I made you laugh.”

Pause.

“You look gloomy today.”
“That obvious, huh? It’s a long story. I don’t want to waste your time.”
“It’s all right.”

Pause.

“You want to have dinner. This time it’s my treat. You free?” Victoria asked.
Both smiled.

They decided to have dinner at a nearby restaurant that serves steaks. Victoria guessed what Cecille wants and true to it, she likes her steak medium rare, just like Paul, Victoria asked why, Cecille said because the meat is more tender and softer – just like what Paul used to say. As for her, she likes her steak fully cooked, the blood grosses her out. Cecille chuckled again and commented that, you can’t taste the richness of the meat anymore. “I don’t care,” said Victoria. “As long as there’s no blood.”

After eating, they decided to stop by for coffee but the coffee shop was full so they ordered the coffee for take out and agreed to drink it at the parking lot.
In the car, Victoria asked about Cecille’s concerns. Cecille relayed the thing with her sister Dina, “It was bad,” she said. Victoria asked, “Is it okay to comment?”
Cecille nodded.
“Have you asked her why she did it?”
Cecille shook her head. “You see, whatever the reason she did it, you should support her, she’s your sister.”
“Even if I think it’s wrong?” Asked Cecille.
“Maybe. But the worst thing that you could do is not accepting her. You may not understand her reasons but she is still your sister. And whatever she decides, you should be by her side. Not by her husband’s side. You never know. It might be your brother in law’s fault or something.”
“I know,” agreed Cecille. “It’s just hard for me right now.”
“Let things cool down a bit.” Victoria said.
“Yeah, that’s probably better.”

Silence.

Then Cecille said, “You have a nice silhouette against the light”.

Silence.

“Take you home?” asked Cecille. “Sure. Thanks”, Answered Victoria.

INFRONT of Victoria’s house, Victoria said her thank yous for having dinner with her and for taking her home. Cecille also thanked her for the dinner and the conversation, she said she really needed that. Then Victoria opened the door, just as she was about to get out, she came back in and planted a warm kiss on Cecille’s cheeks, as she whispered to her ear “thank you for the compliment”. Cecille looked surprised but Victoria’s smile pacified her, “you’re welcome”, she said.
Victoria smiled and closed the door. Then she came back and knocked at the window. Cecille rolled it down; Victoria peeked in and said, “You smell good. Goodnight” then rushed off inside the house. Cecille surprised by Victoria’s attitude, but quite liking it drove away smiling.

IN THE OFFICE, Victoria submitted her financial report of the month. As her boss, Mrs. Go was reviewing the papers, she asked about the condo project. She asked if Victoria already coordinated with the department regarding their constraints on budget. Victoria said, “Yes and I actually already met the new interior designer and I took her to the site already. We’re working the design to fit with the budget, but even though it’s like that I’m not going to compromise the vision of the artist regarding the design.” “That’s good,” Mrs. Go said. “You look better today than the last few months… do you like that kind of work?” Mrs. Go asked again.
“It’s all right,” Victoria said. Mrs. Go smiled and said, “Maybe you should stick with that project for a while. Get some fresh air away from the office, work the fields, huh?”
“Ma’am you don’t need to do that, I’m okay here at the office.”
“So you don’t like my idea?” Mrs. Go seemed hurt.
“It’s not like that.” Victoria sighed, and then smiled. “Okay ma’am, I think it’s a good opportunity for me to…to…grow professionally. Thank you very much, ma’am.”

At her desk, Victoria kept smiling and was approached by Jona.
“Hey! You smiling face, what’s up?”
“I got free time. The condo budget is the only thing I’ll handle now.”
“That’s great. You need some time off anyways.” Supported Jona. Then she whispered, “So, what happened with your Casper?”
“Nothing, we had dinner last night and coffee. She said I have a nice silhouette against the light. Then we went home.”
Jona chuckled. “So you found out nothing?”
“Not really nothing. She likes her steaks with blood, just like Paul.”
“Really? She likes her steaks tender eh? Then Jona got serious and said, “How about me? I like my steaks tender too. Maybe I’m Paul. What about that?”
Then she laughed. Victoria laughed with her too. Then Ben came and asked what the two of them are laughing about. Jona said no one and was about to leave when Ben asked Victoria, “Who was that girl at your table last week, the one you were looking at. What’s her name? Do you have her number?”
Victoria looked at him and sarcastically said, “She’s Cecille, the new interior designer. Why do you want her number?”
Ben just shrugged his shoulders and said, “I want to ask her out.”
Victoria frowned and said, “I don’t have Cecille’s number and even if I have it and gave it to you, Cecille wouldn’t go out with you.”
Ben asked, “Why?” Victoria just seriously said, “I just know. Ok?”
Ben left them mumbling to himself and Jona told Victoria, “You’re mean.”
Victoria said, “Of course I don’t want competition. I don’t want Paul to become gay.” Then they were laughing again. Then Jona got serious and asked Victoria, “What about Cecille? Are you going to be gay?”
Victoria said, “I’ll just cross the bridge when I get there, I just want to be with Paul. Just like that movie with Alec Baldwin and Meg Ryan, Prelude to a Kiss” she winked.

CECILLE was at her usual routine of canvassing materials and furniture when she got a call from Victoria. Victoria asked where she was and upon knowing Cecille was out looking for cheap materials, she asked if she could accompany her, just like what she promised last time. Cecille agreed and told her where she was. Victoria immediately left the office and went to where Cecille was. Cecille was with her assistant Myra and when Victoria arrived, Cecille asked Myra to go back to the office for people might be calling them. Myra said the office was too far for her to commute. Then Victoria said if they came there with a car, Myra could take their car for Victoria drove going there and she can give Cecille a lift later. Myra thanked her for her generosity and left them. Cecille smiled at Victoria and the two of them proceeded looking for materials that suit Cecille’s taste and design. After walking around, the two got tired and decided to have a snack. They ate nachos with salsa and jalapenos. And when they passed by the movie house Victoria saw the supposedly Filipino version of her favorite novels of all time, Wuthering Heights. She suggested that they go see it and compare if it stayed true to the story. Cecille laughed at her and told her she’s baduy to which Victoria laughed along to and agreed that it is baduy of her to be suggesting that.

They decided to call it a night. Victoria drove Cecille home. As Cecille gets off from Victoria’s car, she asked Victoria if she wants to come up, even for a while. Victoria smiled and asked Cecille if she’s sure about that. Cecille said why not, she could have some coffee or tea before she goes home, payment for the free ride.

IN CECILLE' S APARTMENT, she told Victoria to make herself at home, nobody would be disturbing them because she doesn’t have a help and not to ridicule the place because it’s been a while since she had the time to fix it. Victoria said it’s ok, she doesn’t mind, and then locked the door behind her. Cecille called out from the kitchen and asked what would she like, coffee or tea, Victoria answered tea. When she was done preparing the tea she went to Victoria and said that she’ll put on some music for them.

Cecille went into her room to get some CDs. Victoria followed her and stood at the doorway while Cecille was choosing from her CD collection which one to get. Victoria eased her way near Cecille until they are just 2 ft away from each other. Cecille turned around and found herself face to face with Victoria. In that instant, their bodies spoke like one as Victoria moved forward and Cecille supported herself against the wall as their lips meet in the most passionate of kisses. They closed their eyes as they savor the softness of each other’s lips. And when Victoria let go to breathe, her eyes transfixed at Cecille’s lips, a small sigh came out from Cecille, then hesitated to Victoria’s another attempt to kiss as she softly said, “I’m not…” Her words are stopped by Victoria kissing her lips again while saying, “I know. I know.” With their lips doing the talking, Victoria trailed her hands from Cecille’s ears to her neck, down her cleavage, and to her waist and then gently unbuttoned Cecille’s pants. This surprised Cecille as Victoria smiled a little at her reaction, and then kissed her again, pinned against the wall, their bodies dancing to a silent music. Victoria slid her hand inside Cecille’s opened pants to feel her butt and took Cecille’s leg up to her waist so their bodies gyrate closer and they can feel their breasts rubbing against each other.
Cecille, getting caught up with Victoria’s intensity wrapped her arms around Victoria’s waist, as she slides her hands upward, slowly feeling her soft skin, as she takes off Victoria’s blouse, and instantly, as soon as Victoria’ face was free from the blouse she kissed her mouth with such gentle ferocity that Victoria just let the blouse fell… then Victoria whispered, “Your tea will get cold.” Cecille answered with a smile and then kissed her again.

VICTORIA woke up an arm’s length from Cecille who was sleeping face down with her bare back exposed. Victoria smiled, she never thought this could happen, it was so easy, it seems like she knew what she was doing but she’s actually never done it before. As she caresses Cecille’ back she noticed three little horizontal marks near her spine. She got curious and looked closer. It’s a scar of some sort. Then she thought it’s probably from the plane crash. She then gently kissed Cecille’s back, careful not to wake her up, and got out of the bed as noiseless as she can. She scanned the room for her clothes and saw them on the floor, she picked them up one by one, and then smelled her blouse. She frowned, it’s a little stinky, and then she saw Cecille’s closet. She tiptoed towards it and gently opened it, she saw a T-shirt and wore it. With only the T-shirt on she then carefully went out of the room.

CECILLE woke up in her own bed. She stretched and yawned as she always does everyday. Then she noticed that she’s not wearing anything under the blanket, and realized what happened last night. She got nervous and with only her eyeballs moving she tried to see if Victoria is still in the bed with her, and when she saw no feet, no figure beside her she fully turned her head, she thought that maybe she already left, then gave out a sigh.

With her white top and string pants Cecille went out of the room and was surprised when she saw Victoria going about in her kitchen. She was cooking. Then Victoria saw her, “Hey! I’m sorry if I woke you up. Come, sit. Sit.” She then served Cecille a cup of coffee, “Careful, it’s hot.” Victoria then proceeded on blabbering while Cecille looked on with a curious face.
“I decided to cook us breakfast, I hope you don’t mind me tinkering in your kitchen.”
She then served the breakfast plate with bacons and scrambled eggs, “You like your eggs scrambled, right?” She then went back to the kitchen to get some fork. “Oh, by the way, I borrowed your shirt, mine’s a little stinky, is that ok?”
Cecille nodded.
“C’mon now, eat. Eat.”
Victoria sat down in the table in front of Cecille ready to watch her eat but then she realized, “Oh, and I have to go now, coz I have to go to work and I need to stop by my house to shower and change. I’ll return this shirt to you. Don’t worry.” Victoria smiled and went to the bedroom to get her pants and other things. She went back to the dining area while buttoning her pants and while she was fixing her sandals, Cecille spoke.
“Vicky, last night, was…”
“Great! I know!” Victoria interrupted, smiling.
“Yes, it’s great, but you know… I’m not, you know.”

Pause.

“A lesbian? I know. Me too.” Victoria answered back and went to where Cecille was standing and wrapped Cecille’s arms around her waist with a smile. Cecille gave out a sigh.
“You want to be one?” asked Victoria rubbing her forehead against Cecille’s forehead with a sly smile.
“Then what are we doing?” asked Cecille completely bewildered by Victoria’s action.
“Right now? Hmmm… I’m about to kiss you.” Victoria then gave Cecille a quick smack on the lips, then stepped back to see Cecille’s reaction for she bowed her head after the kiss. Cecille looked up to Victoria and said with a smile, “You’re really something.”
The she kissed Victoria’s open mouth. Then they giggled after that.
“So, I’ll see you later?” asked Victoria. Cecille nodded.
“Pick you up? Pick me up?” asked Victoria again. “Pick you up.” Answered Cecille.
“Okay, I’ll see you later.”
They kissed again, smiling at each other. Cecille not wanting to let go of Victoria’s arms around her waist, but Victoria pulling it and laughing, and giving Cecille quick kisses as she gestured she’s got to go. Cecille conceded and Victoria left.


AT VICTORIA’S DESK, Jona came by for a small talk. “How are you? You’re mom called me last night. Where were you?” she asked.
“At a friend’s house.” Victoria answered with a smile.
“You have a new friend I don’t know about? Hello? I’m your only friend!” Jona sarcastically commented. “Anyways, none of my business, right?”
“Right!” agreed Victoria. “Hmmm, by the way, I’ve got news about my Casper.”
“You mean Cecille?” Victoria just smiled and whispered, “I saw her scars from the plane crash. Three marks on her back.”
“Really? She showed it to you?” asked Jona.
Victoria shook her head. “Then how did you see it?” asked Jona again.
Victoria just smiled and looked away. “Don’t tell me… hello? Are you serious?” mocked Jona. Victoria shrugged her shoulders and smiled to herself. “I’m happy. Like before with Paul. I’m back.” She muttered to Jona. Then her cell phone beeped. Victoria excitedly jumped out of her chair and told Jona Cecille’s waiting for her downstairs. Jona irked and with sympathy said, “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”

VICTORIA gave Cecille a peck on the check when she got into the car. Both of them are smiling like children with secrets. Victoria asked where they are going. Cecille just said anywhere would do as long they are together. Victoria smiled and kissed Cecille.

MONTAGE
They are trying on clothes and Victoria would pull Cecille in the fitting room and make out.
They would walk hand and hand towards their car in the parking lot but would let go when they see other people.
Victoria would visit Cecille at the condo project and steal her away for a couple of minutes to make out in the vacant room. Giggling.
They would take pictures of each other and take weird poses in tagaytay.
While sitting on the beach watching the sunset, their silhouettes blur.

VICTORIA woke up irritated by something scratching her nose, she opened her eyes to see Cecille scratching her nose and smiling at her across the bed. “Good morning.” Cecille greeted Victoria who was yawning and stretching herself. “Good morning” Victoria answered back smiling. They lay there side by side facing each other. Smiling at each other with no apparent reason. Then Cecille said, “I LOVE YOU”.
Victoria smiled and kissed Cecille’s forehead, her nose, then her lips, and whispered, “I love you.”

DINA WAS SITTING in the living room with a stern-faced Phillip, she was sobbing. While Phillip regains his composure by sipping his brandy, he tries to hide his tears by looking at the ceiling and when he’s sure that the tears would not fall, he spoke, “Why?” Dina did not answer but continued crying. To which Phillip stood and faced the wall. “Am I not enough for you?”
Then he turned around and faced Dina as he struggled to stopped the words that are going to come out of his mouth, “PERVERT”
“I’m sorry Phillip. I was lonely. I was stupid. Nothing I say now would make you hate me less” Dina said crying looking at Phillip.
“I don’t hate you” Phillip answered calmly.
Surprised by what Phillip said Dina momentarily stopped crying and looked at Phillip. Phillip then faced her again and in an instant his hand was about to hit Dina’s face but stopped, withdrew his hand and whispered,
“I regret the day I met you. I regret the day I married you. The air that you breathe out is poison to me. You’re the devil incarnate.”
Phillip left Dina in the living room weeping. She never felt so low in her life. To be told that she’s the devil incarnate. She closed her eyes.


AT THE CONDO PROJECT, Victoria came to visit Cecille and just like before she stole her away from what she was doing and they hid in one of the finished rooms. They were giggling as they make out unmindful of the wind that opened the curtains exposing what they were doing to the people who may pass by outside. Mrs. Go at that time was inspecting the progress of the condo project. As she was about to pass through the window and see Cecille and Victoria making out, Jona happened to see the two first and the coming Mrs. Go. Jona rushed towards Mrs. Go and with a loud voice greeted her good morning. Victoria and Cecille were startled, they fixed themselves and went out of the room. Mrs. Go saw Victoria and greeted her and said that she was looking for her. Victoria smiled and answered all of Mrs. Go’s questions until she left.
Then Jona grabbed Victoria’s arm and led her to a corner. With an angry voice she confronted Victoria. “What on earth are you two doing? Playing around? You want to get yourself fired? You want both of your assess fired?”
Victoria struggled to free herself and succeeded and with an accusing tone answered Jona, “What do you care? I’m not doing anything wrong!”
“Wrong!” Jona shouted. ‘You are making out with A GIRL!” she put the emphasis on the girl. “A GIRL Victoria, a girl. And you don’t think that’s wrong? Huh?

Silence.

Then Jona spoke again, “You’re my friend and I want you to open your eyes. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. This has gone too deep. People are going to know.”
“What are you really doing?” Jona calmly asked Victoria.
Victoria faced Jona and with wavering certainty said, “I love… her”
Jona smirked, “HER? Don’t tell me you love her? HER Victoria. HER!”
Victoria fell silent and looked away.
Jona wide-eyed with what she just heard shook her head, “No. You don’t love her, you don’t love Cecille, you loved Paul, and you just think she’s Paul, which was very stupid. Mahal mo siya pero hindi siya ang mahal mo. And don’t you think that’s unfair to her?”
Victoria felt her knees weaken, she searched for a chair and finding none leaned against the wall and slowly sat on the floor. She closed her eyes as if meditating and looking for the answers inside of her. Jona knelt down to level with Victoria, with a calm voice she said, “You have to fix this before it gets worse. Before you hurt anyone else. Before you hurt Cecille.” Like a child, she stroked Victoria’s hair and patted her shoulders. Then Victoria whispered, “Leave me alone please.”
Jona hesitantly got up and left. As she turned around the corner, Cecille was there.

JONA WAS SURPRISED to a halt. Then Cecille asked, “Who’s Paul?”
Jona exhibited no reaction and quietly answered, “Her dead boyfriend.”
Cecille was surprised and chuckled, “Are you kidding?”
“I wish I am”
“How could she think that?”
“You were seated beside Paul in that plane crash.”
“So?”
“And the two of you met again where she and Paul first met. And you and Paul like the same things, and your scars…”
Cecille confused with what Jona was saying shook her head.
Jona then tried to convince Cecille, “Don’t you see? She’s just playing with you. She’s living this fantasy that Paul was still alive, in you. She doesn’t really lo…” Jona caught her tongue and stopped.
“I’m sorry” Jona said guiltily and walked away.

CECILLE went home to her apartment. Opened her drawer and took out a zip plastic bag. Visible inside it were two white gold wedding bands. She took them out and read the inscriptions inside it – VICTORIA + PAUL. As she was reading the inscriptions, realizing what had just happened. Tears fell from her eyes. “So it’s true,” she said. “So it’s true.”
Then her doorbell rang. She wiped her tears placed the plastic bag on her bed and opened the door. Dina was outside with a suitcase. She was sobbing. Cecille understood what happened and with opened arms accepted her sister. They hugged each other as if the world doesn’t care about them anymore. They were the only ones who cared about each other truly. They both cried at the fate that they have. It’s them again. It’s just them sisters again. Cecille wiped the tears from Dina’s eyes and bitterly smiled. Dina smiled back bitterly and wiped the tears from Cecille’s eyes.

VICTORIA went to the condo project again to meet with Cecille. Cecille was avoiding her until Victoria cornered her and with an impatient tone asked, “What’s going on?”
Cecille just looked at her, wrung her arm free and walked a few steps away.
“I heard everything.” She said.
“What everything?” Victoria asked.
“The other day.” Victoria was surprised and bowed her head and placed her face on her palms. She didn’t say anything. Cecille was just observing her, trying to stop her tears.
Victoria looked at her, finding no voice, just mouthed the words I’m SORRY, her face wet from her tears.
Cecille bit her lips and looked away. Tears freely flowing now from her eyes, she didn’t try to stop them anymore. She tried to speak, but no words are coming out. She closed her eyes and said, “I’m not sure what I should feel right now.”
Then she faced Victoria and sneered at her as she says, “I thought you loved me because you love ME, not some dead guy I was with on a plane!”
Then she chuckled. “Don’t you think you’re a bit too old for fantasies?”
Cecille shook her head, “It was all lies. Nothing’s real.”
Then she took out the zip plastic bag with the white gold wedding bands from her pocket and threw them in front of the sobbing Victoria. “There,” she said crying, “DREAM’S OVER” then she left.

DINA OPENED the door of Cecille’s apartment and was surprised by her two children waiting outside, all smiles they both shouted, “MOMMY!” Dina gave them the tightest hug and led them inside, she was teary eyed while talking to them, stroking their hair, their back, and kissing them again and again, as she asked, “Who brought you here?” The children in a chorus said, “DADDY!” Dina was surprised and turned around to see no one at the door. She told the kids to stay put she’s just going to talk to daddy. She went out, down the hall and into the street to find Phillip about to ride his car. Then Phillip felt her presence and turned around. Dina looked at Phillip with questioning eyes, she gestured, “I don’t understand.” Phillip went closer to her and lovingly stroked her face. Then he seemed to have realized something and stopped what he was doing and placed his hands in his pocket. He said, “I need to go away. I can’t stand being this way, with you.” He turned around and walked back to his car. He looked back at Dina and said, “Come back home. The children needs you.” He smiled at her and started the engine. As he drove away, Dina burst into tears as she saw a suitcase at the back seat. Phillip left her the house, and the children.

THE HEAD OF THE CONDO project reported to Mrs. Go that the initial construction was done and it’s ready for occupancy. Among the group gathered to report their progress was Myra, Cecille’s assistant. They are now going through their finances and Mrs. Go was surprised to see Jona reporting instead of Victoria.
“Stop. Stop. Where’s Victoria?” she said.
“Ma’am, she ahh… she, she turned the project over to me.” Jona nervously answered.
“Why would she do that? Why? Where is she now?” Mrs. Go’s tone higher than usual.
“She said she has to do something very important ma’am”, Jona again answered, looking around to see all eyes on her.
“More important than her job? I don’t understand this. When she comes back tell her to see me in my office, okay?” Mrs. Go ordered Jona.
“Ma’am, I don’t think she’s coming back, anymore.” Jona hesitantly answered. Mrs. Go raised her eyebrows in a surprised manner and looking at Jona for more information.
“She resigned.” Jona said.
“I didn’t get any resignation letter.” Mrs. Go said. Then Jona took a sheet of paper from her files and gave it to Mrs. Go, “I was going to give it to you later but I guess that’s too late now.”
Mrs. Go read the letter carefully, calmed down and let out a big sigh.
Myra looked amused with the show and shook her head with disappointment.


AT CECILLE'S OFFICE, Myra was giving her an update about the meeting. Then out of nowhere said, “It was quite a show, you should have been there.”
“Why is that?” Cecille asked.
“Victoria resigned. Jona was the one who reported everything.”
Cecille surprised by what she heard turned around to listen carefully at what Myra was saying. “Mrs. Go doesn’t even know that she resigned. She got angry then calmed down. It was weird. If it were me in Mrs. Go’s shoes, I would have fired her ass in an instant!” Jona chuckled to herself amused by what she just said.
Cecille thought, “Why would she do that? Why would she resign? The project was over; they are not going to see each other anyways. Why did she have to leave her work?” Then she closed her eyes and said to herself, “She really doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore.” Tears rolled down her cheeks.

IN HER ROOM, Victoria was sitting on the edge of the bed, contemplating on whether or not to open the drawer of her side table. On top of the table is a picture of Paul and her during happy times. She took the picture and looked at it lovingly, stroking the frame glass. Then she smiled. She opened the drawer and took out the rings.

CECILLE and Dina were sitting in the living room, watching the kids play video games. Cecille then broke the silence and said, “Ate, may I ask you something?”
Dina smiled and nodded, “I’ve been waiting for you to open up actually.”
Cecille gathered up her courage and said, “What would you do, if the person you love doesn’t really loves you – I mean she loves you but not you. She thinks you’re the reincarnation of someone she knew before.”Dina laughed and said, “Phillip said I’m the devil incarnate.”

Pause.

“He did? He was just mad I’m sure.” Cecille comforted.
“Yeah, forget about it. So continue.”
“That’s it.”
“That’s it?”
“Just tell me what would you do if a person loved you because she thought you’re someone else!”
Dina frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“Well, it’s like this. I was seated with her boyfriend, who died in the crash. Then we met in circumstances similar to how she met her boyfriend before. And I just found out the reason she came after me was she thought I was her dead boyfriend!”
Dina looked confuse and with wide-open eyes she said, “Boyfriend? RE-incarnation? SHE???”

PAUSE.

Dina recovered and still disbelieving what she just heard clarified, “This person is a GIRL?”
Cecille nodded.
“ARE YOU A LESBIAN?”
“I don’t know. I only felt like this with her.”
“IS SHE A LESBIAN?”
“I don’t think she is… she thinks I’m her dead boyfriend that’s why she liked me!”
“So she seduced you?”
“I can’t really say, seduced. More like… she made me fall for her.”
“She said she loves you?”
Cecille nodded.
“And all the while she thinks you’re her dead boyfriend?”
Cecille nodded.
“IS SHE NUTS???”
Cecille laughed and then realized the silliness of the situation.
Both of them laughed out loud that the children looked at them curiously. Dina waved them to go back to what they were doing.
Then Dina faced Cecille and said, “Do you love her?”
Cecille nodded.
“Seriously?”
Cecille nodded.
“How did you know?”
“I just do.”
“You realize… that, she’s, a girl?” clarified Dina.
“I know. But still, I love her.”
Dina fell silent.
“But this situation you’re in. It’s really weird. How could she think you’re her dead boyfriend? Maybe it’s her only way of getting to you, if you know what I mean.” Dina teased Cecille smiling.
“That you’re so beautiful even girls fall in love with you,” Dina continued with a wink.
Cecille surprised by the sudden change of mood played along with Dina.
“Maybe,” she said. “So you don’t mind if I have a relationship with another girl?” she cautiously asked Dina.
Dina smiled at her and stroked her hair. “You’re my sister, you’re all I have left, now that Phillip left me.””Phillip left you?”
“Yeah, he left me the house. I don’t know where he went. I guess he can’t really stand being with me anymore.”
“I’m sorry, Ate.”
“It’s all for the better, I actually don’t blame him for leaving me. I can’t really force myself to love him… I was unfair.”

Pause.

“At least I got the kids.”
Cecille smiled and looked at the children still playing unmindful of the talks behind them.
“As I was saying, you’re my only family, and I want nothing but your happiness. Kahit kanino mo pa makuha yun basta hindi ka nila masasaktan.”
They hugged each other tightly that the children seeing them hugging came rushing towards them and laughing they had a group hug.

AT THE CEMETERY Victoria placed flowers on Paul’s grave. She then knelt down on the soil and took out the rings from her bag. She then took out a small shovel and started digging a small hole beside the grave. She placed the rings inside the hole and covered it with her hands. She rested a bit and looked at Paul’s gravestone. She spoke to Paul as if he were there, “Paul, I don’t know if you can hear me. I love you very much. I waited for you. And I thought you came back through her.” She chuckled. “And it was really stupid of me to think that, because why would you come back here, you’re happier in heaven. I’m sorry, the thing is, I love her… I love her now… and I don’t want to lose her. That’s why I’m giving you the rings back.” She patted the soil on top of the hole to level it with the ground. “Come to think of it, you might have or you might not have a part in this, I want to thank you. For bringing her to me.”

CECILLE WAS WALKING along the hallway going to her apartment when she noticed someone was waiting for her near her door. She slowed to a halt a few feet away from Victoria and inches from her door. She did not dare look at Victoria. She clutched the keys inside her hand.
Victoria spoke in a low voice, “I’m sorry. What I did was unfair; it was very unfair to you. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.”
Finding no response or movement from Cecille, Victoria continued with her litany.
“You are your own person. I made a really big mistake by thinking that you might be someone else. It was very childish of me to be thinking that way while I am with you. You’re right, I’m a bit too old for fantasies. To believe in re-incarnation, to believe that you could be Paul, it was really overboard.”
Cecille still stood there unwavering, not looking back at Victoria but intently listening to what she was saying.
“But don’t you think it was a good thing? That stupid belief, led me to you. That I really found the person that I love most in this world, in you. Because you are the one I love. You Cecille, and not anyone else. So please don’t think that everything that I said, everything that we did were all lies. It was all real, as real as my feelings for you.”
Victoria began to weep. Still, Cecille just stood there facing her door.
“I would understand if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore. I’m just here to tell you, that I will cherish the moments we had. But if you could find it in your heart to give me one more chance, I love you so much Cecille.”
Cecille then inserted her key and opened the latch, she stepped inside the apartment. Victoria then shook her head, crying, waiting for the door to close. But instead, Victoria saw a hand; Cecille’s hand was at the door, palm facing up, she was waiting for Victoria to reach out for her hand.

Victoria wiped her tears and reached for Cecille’s hands. They were standing face to face at the doorway, Cecille holding Victoria’s hand. Cecille then wiped the still flowing tears from Victoria’s eyes, and with such calmness said, “You’re a very silly woman.”
She smiled and gently placed a light peck on Victoria’s lips. Victoria then hugged her while still weeping, and Cecille giggling over the situation. She soothed Victoria and they both started laughing. They finally entered the apartment and Cecille closed the door behind them.

***************
March 6, 2007